A Poker Song

(If the tune isn’t obvious, you are lucky, and I won’t ruin your life by directing you to the original)

It’s after midnight on Saturday
The tourney’s been running since nine.
The rock to my left is my only hope
Since he’s never defended his blinds.
So the action folds all the way round to me
I make the only move that I can.
But for just once this round, the bastard looks down
And somehow comes up with a hand.

La la la, de de da
La la, de de da da da

Chorus:
Push it all in you’re the bubble man
Your tourney has come to a stop.
But at least on the long list of losers
Your name is right at the top.

Lee6 in seat one is a maniac
He bets like he just doesn’t care.
And it’s fully a lock he’ll be starting to mock
Me before I am out of my chair.
He types, “U play like an idiot
i always nu u’d be gone.”
I want to shout how he always sucks out
But I’m afraid that he isn’t wrong.

Oh, la la la, de de da
La la, de de da da dat

There’s DoctorNo in the seven seat.
Who groans and whines all the time
He types “This is such rot, I’d have won that whole pot
If I had just played my queen-nine.”
And Dupo66 in the four seat’s
Been quiet the whole bloody game.
He’s here for the cash and doesn’t talk trash
Besides he’s from the Ukraine.

Oh, la la la, de de da
La la, de de da da da

Chorus

I did pretty good for a Saturday
This time  I reached a new peak.
But if I could just make my original stake
I could buy-in and do it next week.
I’m staring now at the tournament board
I don’t usually make it this long.
But there’s no reason to cry I guess sometime I’ll try
Without the tequila and bong.

Chorus


Texas Wisdom #23

One day Preacher Higgens went to see Billy-Bob Gautama.  He said, “Goat, I don’t mind you being a Buddhist and all, but I can’t help but wish you were a Christian Buddhist.”  “Why, Preacher, that’s just what I am,” said Billy-Bob.  “I got a ‘Support our Troops’ bumper sticker, I don’t want Darwin taught in schools, I think women ought to stay home and make babies, and I spend most of my day tellin’ other folk how they ought to live.  Now, if that don’t make me a Christian, what does?”  Thus Preacher Higgens was Enlightened.

Texas Wisdom #22

Billy-Bob Gautama said to the student, “To understand reality, we must drop mind and body.  Corn liquor works for both.”  The student said, “But Goat, didn’t you say yesterday that drinking doesn’t lead to truth, but should be done for it’s own sake?”  Billy-Bob hit the student with the short staff named Hank.  The student was Enlightened.

A Poker Poem

I think that I shall never love
A play as much as the all-in shove.
When I just smile and hitch my belt
And take myself down to the felt,
Then lean back, say something funny,
Like, “Call this if you don’t like money.”
My opponent weighs my expression bland:
How much does he like his hand?
The mound of chips that I have risen
Puts him to a hard decision.
Unless he is very bold
Or has the nuts, he has to fold.
As the chips fall and scatter
I know position does not matter.
And shoving in those gravid stacks
From now on I can relax
(No one can do worse, you see,
Then what I have just done to me).
Luck is made by God above;
But it takes some balls to call a shove.

Texas Wisdom #21

One day a thief broke into Billy-Bob Gautama’s house, only to discover there was nothing to steal.  Billy-Bob returned and caught him and said, “Friend, I’m sorry I have nothing.  But you shouldn’t leave empty handed, so at least take a drink of this corn liquor.”  The thief gratefully drank the corn liquor, and continued drinking until he passed out.  Then Billy-Bob dragged him out of the house, took his clothes, shaved his head, and had his coon hound urinate on him.   It is not known if the thief was Enlightened.