Category: Uncategorized

Honorable mentions go to:

David Wohlreich for “Best Novella”:

The cannons shattered the still Texas night.

The defenders looked out from he walls of their small fort. Against the endless horizon of stars, lit by unholy fires and terrible magics, the Illiterati came.

Noxious fluids burned in the bellies of television golems. A clockwork monster with boombox legs hurled pop music into the air. Leading the army across the parched grass, soap opera writers sat astride huge tabloidons, sleek monsters who stamped their fad diet feet and stabbed the air with cruel tusks of celebrity addiction.

Their eyes met. Steve nodded quickly to Skyler. As one, they drew their weapons, gripping tight the alchemical miracles of wood and ink.

“The darkness may yet take this land,” Steve said.

The Illiterati howled in the darkness, as if sensing that their ancient enemies were near.

“Maybe,” Skyler replied. She lifted her weapons. “But not tonight.”

Steve, uncharacteristically silent, only smiled, lifted his implements, and waited for the horde.

 

Big Mike for “Best In Ouvre Reference”:

500 copies after

 

Lynn Sampson for “Cool If It Were True”:

What happens here incrementally, stays in here completely.

 

Jose Marquez for “Best Out Of Ouvre Reference”:

Skyler: “Who wrote this?!?”
Steve: “Did *you* write this?!?”
Both: “SCALZIIIII!!!”

 

rmalena for “Best Flying Karamozov Brothers Reference”:

OK, this paired juggling-while-reading routine is going to change the world of author signings forever. Get some sleep,
because tomorrow we move on to four books each…

 

Matt Olson for “Best Infinite Regression”:

I heard you like secret societies. So we started a secret society inside a fort of books about a secret society so you can read about secret societies during a meeting with your secret society.

 

 

 

 

And the winner is…

Congratulations and thank you to Ethyl!

This has been lots of fun. The past couple of days, Skyler and I keep running over to each other and saying, “hey did you see the new caption! OMG!” Thank you to everyone for playing with us.

Steve and I are staying with Skyler, Scott, and Egan while we wait for The Incrementalists to be released, with all subsequent fanfare and book tour goodness. It is an exciting time. Perhaps… too exciting?

Last night, boxes of author copies of the book arrived, and Steve & Skyler immediately built a fort with them, refusing to come out for dinner until they were done playing “cowboys and incrementalists”.

This post is a caption contest. To enter, leave your best/funniest caption for this picture in comments to this post (and only on this post — captions submitted via facebook or twitter cannot be counted!) The contest runs until noon Texas time, Monday 9/16 (in other parts of the US this may be referred to as “Central Daylight Time”).

Important: Winner must be able to respond to my email requesting a mailing address within an hour of the contest ending or a new winner will be chosen! When the selected winner responds to me, we shall immediately mail them a copy of the book.

ETA: Enter early, enter often. You are not limited to one comment/caption.

I’m in Austin, Texas now, and today I drove by a place on Lamar called “Quickie Tattoo.”  I was thinking how, if I wanted a tattoo, “quickie” wouldn’t be the first thing that attracted me.  This, in turn, made me consider when it is okay to have a “quickie” (in the non-sexual sense).

The first thing that sprang to mind is: If some author happened to be hanging around somewhere online and I could shoot him a quickie question, why, that would be fine.

By pure coincidence, I’ll be doing an AMA (Ask Me Anything) on Reddit one week from today.  I’ll be fielding questions about everything except for stuff I don’t know anything about.  Don’t ask me those things.  Anything else is fine.

The exact URL will be posted here and tweeted the morning the 17th, and you can start sending in questions then.

And I’ll have an announcement regarding The Incrementalists and why I love my publisher like, uh, like something that loves something a lot.  I won’t spend a lot of time on the announcement, though.  It’ll just be kind of a quickie.

 

Jen and I are in Austin, being graciously hosted by Scott and Skyler and Egan White. It’s a lovely time, with much good conversation, and pleasantness all around. Or, rather, it was, until a couple of days ago, when I woke up early and came downstairs unexpectedly. Because I was wearing slippers, no one heard me. And there were Jen and Skyler, their heads together, over a pile of books.

Jen: And, seriously, Sandworms? There is, like, no way that desert ecosystem could support such a lifeform. Plus, they’re icky. I think fuzzy kittens would be better.

Skyler: No, puppies! Sandpuppies!! You write that part. I just crossed out this whole section about the Emperor’s soldiers, because the uniforms? Boring! And it totally bounces me out of a story when a militarized political structure doesn’t revolve around elaborate hats with plumes and brocade.

Jen: And insignia.

Skyler: Exactly! Do we even know how this army symbolizes rank and status in color? I’m going to replace the whole battalion with one super-powerful alpha-guy with back tattoos.

Jen: Remember, it’s the desert though, so if he’s shirtless and obviously…

Skyler: Obviously. Shirtless, but maybe with vambraces.

Jen: Okay, but it’s the desert so we’ll have to make sure there’s some kind of sunscreen or his skin, you know.

Skyler: We’ll need to protect it from burning and from the scouring effects of the sand. We could use magic! There wasn’t enough magic anyway.

Jen: I know, right?! But don’t take too much time; the publisher needs it by next month if he’s going to replace all the copies of the old Dune on time.

Skyler: It’ll be done. But what about this one?

Jen: Oh, that’s Doc Smith. Nothing but space battles. Ugh. Let’s take out all the battles and replace them with fancy dress balls.

Skyler: I’ve always thought dancing reveals more about character than boring space battles anyway. What kind of costumes do they have? Do they move with the body or constrict it? Are the dances partnered or not? Foot or hip-driven?

Jen: Oooh, yeah. You do those. And we’re going to need lots more description of the Lensmen. Because, I mean, hello? A lens? That’s an accessory! It isn’t easy to build your whole wardrobe around one accessory.

Skyler: Right. It has to really pop, but also tie the whole ensemble together. I’m having a lot of trouble with The Moon Is a Harsh Mistress, because there is so much boring stuff about living on the Moon, and it all has to be replaced, but I like the bit about the guy-harems. We could just get rid of the rock throwing nonsense and concentrate on the relationships. How do they feel about the different men? What do they talk about? And I like Wyoh, and Heinlein does say she’s cute, but we need way more description and gossip, so there’s plenty that can go there….oh, good morning, Steve. We were just having tea. Did you sleep well??

They shoved issues of Cosmo over the pile of books, but it was too late; I’d seen what I’d seen and heard what I’d heard. Shaken, terrified, I crept back to bed to nightmares about killer robots in lipstick.

 

This year’s worldcon, LoneStarCon 3, has now provided us with SKZB’s schedule.

Friday Aug. 30, noon, Autographing session (Convention Center)

Friday Aug. 30, 3pm, Steven Brust concert (Ballroom A, Convention Center)

Saturday Aug. 31, 5pm, Panel “The Enduring Popularity of Firefly” (006CD Convention Center)

Saturday Aug. 31, 7pm?-? Drinks With Authors (Ernie’s Bar, behind Rivercenter)

Sunday Sept. 1, noon, Panel “Space is Really the Old West” (101B Convention Center)

Sunday Sept. 1, 2pm, Koffeeklatsch (Riverview Room, Riverwalk)
(taking some info from the LoneStarCon pocket guide: Limited to 9 attendees, so you must sign up in advance. Sign-up sheets will be available at the Information Desk in the Registration Hall in half-day increments. So, you should be able to sign up on Sunday morning. There are a bunch of rules about showing up on time and reserve spots, and then a note that only the host will be provided with a beverage so please bring your own beverage with you.

Sunday Sept. 1, 4pm, Reading with Skyler White (002A Convention Center)

There is an interactive program guide [here]. And [here] is the PDF pocket guide, which has maps in it. I love maps. They start on page 24.