Category: Texas Wisdom

“When I said you was s’posed to become one with the duck before you pull the trigger, I didn’t mean you was s’posed to shoot yourself.”

— Billy-Bob Gautama

The Manifold Path:

1. Right View: Get glasses if you need ’em, nothing to be ashamed about.

2.  Right Intention: Plan to get that roof fixed.

3. Right Speech: Sharp commands will work best on your hound dog

4. Right Action:  Clean your shotgun after each use.

5. Right Livlihood: If you can’t get a job at Jake’s Auto Repair, check with Fred at the Junkyard.

6. Right Effort: Try to find a woman who can watch your hound dog for you when you’re busy.

7. Right Mindfulness: Don’t get so drunk you argue with the police.  You can’t win that one.

8. Right Concentration: Ten bushels of dried corn (ground to meal) to nine gallons of water to half a bushel of barley to two galloons of hops.

Billy-Bob Gautama

Before Enlightenment: change the oil and rotate the tires.  After Enlightenment: change the oil and rotate the tires.

— Billy-Bob Gautama

What is the sound of one car rusting?

–Billy-Bob Gautama

One day, Billy-Bob Gautama drove down to The Roundup Bar and Grille and said to the bartender, “Russ, I want ten shots of Jim Beam.  Line ’em up!”  The bartender (whose name was Orin) poured out ten shots of Jim Beam in a neat line, and Billy-Bob began to slam them.  He got seven of them down before the bartender said, “Now, if you’re going to drink ’em like that, Goat, I’m going to have to cut you off.”  Billy-Bob said, “You’d drink ’em like this too if you had what I have.”  “Why, what do you have?” said the bartender.  Billy-Bob thought for a moment, then said, “Uh, about eighty-five cents.”  Thus the bartender was Enlightened.