The Four Virtues:
1. Eternity: Your truck will last a long time if you take good care of it.
2. Joy: It’s fun to get drunk with Wasted Willie Borgess.
3. Personality: The couch sitting on your front porch doesn’t look like the couch sitting on anyone else’s front porch.
4. Assurance: Never let ’em know they got to you.
Billy-Bob Gautama
“Drinking to excess is no path to spiritual Truth. Drinking to excess must be done for it’s own sake.”
Billy-Bob Gautama
As a very young man, Billy-Bob Gautama once went out drinking with Wasted Willie Borgess. As they were drinking, Billy-Bob said, “Willy, is there any meaning to life?” Willie threw up on Billy-Bob’s shirt. It was in this way that Billy-Bob achieved Enlightenment.
When Billy-Bob Gautama was a young man, he met a great teacher, and soon the two of them were engaged in deep conversation about the Manifold Path and the Four Virtues. As they spoke, the teacher poured beer into Billy-Bob’s glass. When the glass was full, he kept pouring, and soon the beer spilled onto the table. “Now wait,” said Billy-Bob. “That glass won’t hold any more.” “That is right,” said the teacher. “And if you don’t empty your mind, no new wisdom can enter it.” “I get that,” said Billy-Bob. “But if you don’t quit spilling my beer, I’m going to kick your ass.” Thus the teacher was Enlightened.
Johnny Bishop was remarking about how Billy-Bob Gautama didn’t have any sort of job. He said, “Goat, have you ever been offered work?” “Only once,” said Billy-Bob. “Other than that, people have been real nice.”