The Dream Café

Steven Brust: “A masterful storyteller of contagious glee and self-deprecating badassery” —Skyler White

Fifty Ways to Write a Fight Scene

| 12 Comments

For those of you not familiar with the work of Paul Simon, sorry, you’ll just have to guess at the tune.  For the rest of you, here it is:

Fifty Ways to Write a Fight Scene

The problem’s all in point of view as like as not,
She said if exposition isn’t slowing down your plot.
I’d like to help you now we’ve found the trouble spot
There must be fifty ways to write a fight scene.

She said, It’s really not my habit to critique
Furthermore I hope you know that I don’t think your prose is weak.
But I’ll repeat myself at the risk of seeming geek:
There must be fifty ways to write a fight scene.
Fifty ways to write a fight scene.

Use summary, Lee
Focus on the skill, Jill
Consciousness stream, Liam,
Move the story along.

Talk about the pain, Jane
Just say who was slain plain
Dwell on blood, Bud
You can’t go wrong.

She said it grieves me so to see a story fail.
I wish there was a way to help you get it back on trail.
I said I appreciate that, and could you speak in some detail
About the fifty ways.

She said why don’t we both just focus on the text,
And I believe after an edit you will be less perplexed.
Then she red-penned me and I realized that she was quite correct
There must be fifty ways to write a fight scene.
Fifty ways to write a fight scene.

Use summary, Lee
Focus on the skill, Jill
Consciousness stream, Liam,
Move the story along.

Talk about the pain, Jane
Just say who slain plain
Dwell on blood, Bud
You can’t go wrong.

skzb

Author: skzb

I play the drum.

12 Comments

  1. This is my kind of silliness. Thanks.

    Also, at the amusement park Busch Gardens in Virginia, in their ‘Scotland’ section every hour or so a drum and bagpipe team performs. The opening drum part sounds exactly like the intro to this song, so now I can’t go to that park without whistling the song to myself as I stroll around.

  2. skzb

    Oh, my. I haven’t had an “ook” in years.

  3. This is very nicely done. Let me know if you’d like to see it in an issue of Xenofilkia someday. –Lee Gold, http://www.conchord.org/xeno/

  4. skzb

    Sure, Lee. I’d be delighted. Thanks.

  5. Been reading your prose for nigh on thirty years now. (Actually, a little longer, I think.) It’s always been fun. But this was fun enough for me to actually write a comment after all these years. Cheers, man!

  6. Viable Paradise always does you a world of good.

  7. skzb

    Thanks, Ben.

    Emma: I first read that as, “….a world of goof” and I was like, “I got nothin’.”

  8. That, too.

  9. And to the ook ook, add a slobber drool… Good one!!

  10. Radio on one hand, writing on the other… This is just begging for a mix! 🙂

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