The Dream Café

Steven Brust: “A masterful storyteller of contagious glee and self-deprecating badassery” —Skyler White

Viable Paradise: A Musical Report

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Had a wonderful, wonderful time at Viable Paradise. Students were smart as hell, and committed, and geeked.  I less than three them all.

The following atrocity occurred in commemoration of the event:

 

ETA: The Jim MacDonald verse was the first one I wrote, and by the end, it was the only one that was teasing, so I re-wrote it to keep it in line with the others.

 

Haul Away, Bart

(Tune: Haul Away, Joe)
(best accompanied by 3-string cigar box)

The Vineyard ferry drops you off an hour after taking it.
Way haul away, we’ll haul away, Bart.
To where you think that you will be the only writer faking it.
Way haul away, we’ll haul away, Bart.

Chorus:

Way haul away, we’re bound for Martha’s Vineyard
Way haul away, we’ll haul away, Bart.

Jim Macdonald’s strong and brave; his mustache has a rakish curl
Way haul away, we’ll haul away, Bart.
But when he has to stand and speak, he trembles like a little girl
Way haul away, we’ll haul away, Bart.

Jim MacDonald shows you how to make your plot misleading
Way haul away, we’ll haul away, Bart.
He lit-ra-ly and me-ta-phor-ic-ly can stop the bleeding.
Way haul away, we’ll haul away, Bart.

If your critique went so bad you felt the group was mugging you
Way haul away, we’ll haul away, Bart.
Pippin will fix everything by smiling and by hugging you.
Way haul away, we’ll haul away, Bart.

Dr. Doyle has the job of resident gra-mare-i-un
Way haul away, we’ll haul away, Bart.
She’s knows so many other things it almost seems unfair-i-un.
Way haul away, we’ll haul away, Bart.

Mac’s the one who makes the food that all of us will shovel-in.
Way haul away, we’ll haul away, Bart.
But the staff room is no place for you to have that big kerfuffle in.
Way haul away, we’ll haul away, Bart.

Unlike the market with the name, Chris will be reliable.
Way haul away, we’ll haul away, Bart.
The staffers are the ones who make this paradise be viable.
Way haul away, we’ll haul away, Bart.

Laura speaks about your muse, as erudite as Twain or Joyce
Way haul away, we’ll haul away, Bart.
She’d tell you many other things if she hadn’t lost her voice.
Way haul away, we’ll haul away, Bart.

If you are staff then Jen and Erin are the ones who care for you.
Way haul away, we’ll haul away, Bart.
Erin is the quiet one and Jen’s the one whose hair is blue.
Way haul away, we’ll haul away, Bart.

Patrick speaks of publishing without lies or evasions
Way haul away, we’ll haul away, Bart.
Then Stevie-Chuck will come and lower all your expectations.
Way haul away, we’ll haul away, Bart.

Bear and Scott will go with you to see the glowing jellyfish
Way haul away, we’ll haul away, Bart.
Then they will share all that they know because they are not sellyfish.
Way haul away, we’ll haul away, Bart.

Teresa had foot surgery which limits her posi-shi-un
Way haul away, we’ll haul away, Bart.
But she can tell you all you need to know of expos-si-shi-un.
Way haul away, we’ll haul away, Bart.

Maybe you will start to think the writer’s life is wrong for you
Way haul away, we’ll haul away, Bart.
Steve-with-hat won’t help too much but at least he wrote this song for you.
Way haul away, we’ll haul away, Bart.

 

skzb

Author: skzb

I play the drum.

10 Comments

  1. Love it. Hurry home. The Haralsons are ripe!

  2. Oh, and tell Jen we’ll miss her this winter. Hope you get more snow that we do…nyah, nyah, nyah.

  3. It’s been in my head ever since I heard it. Now I can sing it to my kid. Thanks!

  4. skzb

    *feels sorrow for your kid*

  5. Loved meeting and chatting with you. I still don’t know what Bart did to bring this on himself, though!

  6. It’s not in my head but only because I have so many holes in it. My head, I mean, not the song. Love this thing and will return to it often to remember, remember, remember…

  7. You are appalling. I’m so glad that hasn’t changed.

  8. Just have to cut three strings off of my guitar and I’ll be able to play along.

  9. Just came back to reread this one year later. Still the best song about Viable Paradise.

  10. skzb

    *grin* Thanks! We sang it at mandatory fun this year.

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