The Dream Café

Steven Brust: “A masterful storyteller of contagious glee and self-deprecating badassery” —Skyler White

Mean Guy (The Ballad of Miklos)

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Some time ago, my grandson Miklos (age 3) decided on the generic term “mean guy” to describe any and all villains, evil-doers (especially the ones in Spider-man), and not-nice people.  Hence Jeff “Peffa” Bertilson and my daughter Toni and I (egged on my TJ)  thought the following had to be done.

I think I’m so civilized cause I’m living my life saying hello and good-bye
But all around me people make me so mad I could be spitting in their eye
So I’m no better than the bad criminals who hit, cheat, and burglarize
‘Cos compared to all of those neat super-heroes I am a mean-guy.
I always say please and thank you and you’re welcome, ‘cos I am very polite
But overdraft fees and automatic phone help makes me ready to fight
I don’t wanted to listen to idiots blab
I don’t want drink until I’m in rehab
I just want go into my secret lab and make like a mean guy.
I’m a mean guy I’m a mean mean guy
Oh, I’m a mean guy.
I’m a Green Goblin guy I’m a Venom guy, oh I’m a mean guy.
Cos compared to Spidey so strong and so brave
Compared to Batman in his bat cave
Compared to a boy who knows how to behave
I am a mean guy.
In man’s evolution he has created boundaries between every nation
Which is nothing but asking for guys like to me to go for world domination
Cos I’m happier than I might seem
When I’m with my hand-picked team
Making an invisible destructor beam
Cause I am a mean guy.
I’m a mean guy I’m a mean mean guy
Oh, I’m a mean guy.
I’m a Marvel guy I’m a D.C., oh I’m a mean guy.
I watch the world through my periscope
Hatching schemes that will work I hope
Maybe next week I’ll kidnap the Pope.
I am a mean guy.
Come on and join me, by my mean guy pal.
We’ll share the world, you can have Lonsdale.
I’m a mean guy I’m a mean mean guy
Oh, I’m a mean guy.
I’m a Green Goblin guy I’m a Venom guy, oh I’m a mean guy.
I’ll be your Joker you’ll be Harley Quinn
I’ll make you rich and you’ll make me win
If our plans our foiled we’ll just try again
I am a mean guy.
I’m a mean guy I’m a mean mean guy
Oh, I’m a mean guy.
I’m a Doc Oc guy I’m a Burglar guy, oh I’m a mean guy.
I want to own everything I see.
I’m Ayn Rand’s child by Bill Nietzsche
Until the superheroes catch up with me.
I’ll be a mean guy.

I think I’m so civilized cause I’m living my life saying hello and good-bye

But all around me people make me so mad I could be spitting in their eye

So I’m no better than the bad criminals who hit, cheat, and burglarize

‘Cos compared to all of those neat super-heroes I am a mean-guy.

I always say please and thank you and you’re welcome, ‘cos I am very polite

But overdraft fees and automatic phone help makes me ready to fight

I don’t want to listen to idiots blab

I don’t want drink until I’m in rehab

I just want go into my secret lab and make like a mean guy.

I’m a mean guy I’m a mean mean guy

Oh, I’m a mean guy.

I’m a Green Goblin guy I’m a Venom guy, oh I’m a mean guy.

Cos compared to Spidey so strong and so brave

Compared to Batman in his bat cave

Compared to a boy who knows how to behave

I am a mean guy.

In man’s evolution he has created boundaries between every nation

Which is nothing but asking for guys like to me to go for world domination

Cos I’m happier than I might seem

When I’m with my hand-picked team

Making an invisible destructor beam

Cause I am a mean guy.

I’m a mean guy I’m a mean mean guy

Oh, I’m a mean guy.

I’m a Marvel guy I’m a D.C. guy, oh I’m a mean guy.

I watch the world through my periscope

Hatching schemes that will work I hope

Maybe next week I’ll kidnap the Pope.

I am a mean guy.

Come on and join me, by my mean guy pal.

We’ll share the world, you can have Lonsdale.

I’m a mean guy I’m a mean mean guy

Oh, I’m a mean guy.

I’m a Green Goblin guy I’m a Venom guy, oh I’m a mean guy.

I’ll be your Joker you’ll be Harley Quinn

I’ll make you rich and you’ll make me win

If our plans our foiled we’ll just try again

I am a mean guy.

I’m a mean guy I’m a mean mean guy

Oh, I’m a mean guy.

I’m a Doc Oc guy I’m a Burglar guy, oh I’m a mean guy.

I want to own everything I see.

I’m Ayn Rand’s child by Bill Nietzsche

Until the superheroes catch up with me.

I’ll be a mean guy.

I”ll be a mean guy.

I’ll be a mean guy.

corwin

Author: corwin

Site administrative account, so probably Corwin, Felix or DD-B.

0 Comments

  1. The Davies brothers may wish to have words with you. 🙂

  2. *appluse*

  3. “I’m Ayn Rand’s child by Bill Nietzsche”

    You rock. Best sentence I have read all day.

  4. If you’d written this sooner you could have sold it as the theme song for ‘Despicable Me’.

  5. Just wait a year, I’m sure a sequel will be in the works: Despicable Me Too.

  6. I love it. Maybe Weird Al will record it for you?

  7. Best grandpa ever!

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