Dog For Hire

Tuli

 

As a result of this incident it seems there may be an opening for an aide to Scott Walker, so I tried to get my dog the job.  I was told Governor Walker didn’t hire dogs. I explained that my dog received food, shelter, and medical coverage in exchange for unquestioning loyalty; was ignorant of nearly everything and completely unconcerned by this; was constantly whining for attention; obeyed his master’s orders without any question as to legality or morality; never had an original thought; and could be counted on to bark and yap at any workman who came near.

He starts on Monday.

 

Roast Sirloin Tip Special

I’m setting this down because I’ll want to do it again sometime, and it sort of happened by accident.

Scene 1: The second floor of a Midwestern fourplex

Take a nice sirloin tip roast, salt and pepper. Preheat oven to 350°F, and start heating up the cast iron skillet over high heat on the stove-top.

Put olive oil in the skillet to cover, then sear the roast on all sides.

Put the skillet, roast and all, in the oven, uncovered, meat thermometer set for 140°F.

Take some broccoli, cauliflower, a sliced onion, and mushrooms. Put them in a bowl with olive oil, salt, pepper, garlic powder, paprika, and red wine vinegar. Mix well.

When the roast reaches 140°F internal temperature, remove it from the oven, but leave the cast-iron skillet with the juices in there.

Put the veggies into the skillet, and let them roast while the meat rests.

Eat.

Fade to black.

Scene 2. Same place, several hours later

Cook up some brown rice, using the leftover stock from yesterday’s chicken soup experience

Cut off some of the roast, and dice it.

Put it into a frying pan with olive oil, minced garlic, and the remains of the vegetable mix.

Heat quickly.

Mix with a really good barbecue sauce.

Eat over rice.

Curtain

Boskone:Doing it Right–Plus Pointers For Those Doing it Wrong

Geez, Boston. Got enough snow?

Boskone, or Snowkone, if you prefer, was everything I hope for in a convention.   I don’t like mentioning people, because I’ll leave someone out and feel bad, but the whole thing was a joy. I was very well taken care of by the convention, the panels were fun, and the weather wasn’t all that much of a problem except that too many people I wanted to hang out with couldn’t make it or could only make it for a while (I’m looking at YOU, @rnmelton). I missed saying hello to my old friend Vicki, and would have liked to have spent more time with Charlie Stross, but I can’t really complain. The VP dinner was a delight. Great good times. Thanks to everyone who made it so much fun.

I need to specifically mention the bio that Patrick and Teresa Nielsen Hayden wrote for me.  Some conventions seem to have abandoned the old tradition of finding someone to say nice things about you in the program book, and then laughing at you when you get flustered.  And since I’m on the subject of conventions, here are a few things that Certain Other Conventions can learn from Boskone (and Minicon, and Loscon, and many others who do it right). Some of these are from my experience, others from friends.

1. If you can’t afford to give your guest’s “+1” a free membership, you can’t afford the guest. This applies to GOHs, and to those invited to participate in programming in exchange for a membership. When you say, “We will give you a free membership, and give your friend a special reduced rate,” you look like you’re in over your heads, and many of us worry about being trapped at a convention that is going to fall apart. (Some of us have been to those, and failed to enjoy them.)

2. If someone in your department, or in another department, is screwing up, do not try to enlist the guest on your side of the political infight this has produced within your convention committee. If you aren’t all working together in perfect harmony, fake it.

3. The thing of offering the GOH a choice between giving a speech and being interviewed is relatively new, and awfully nice. (Thanks, Jo–that interview was a high point of a great weekend.) But if the GOH must give a speech, let him or her know about it. Preferably before the convention.

3.1. Heads-up: A panel with one person on it is called a “speech.” See above.

4. Do not ask the guest to write a free story or draw a free picture or whatever, even for charity. (I’m a little embarrassed to mention this one, because after feeling all put-upon by one convention that asked me to do that, I developed some major health problems, and the next year I was the charity. It was extraordinarily kind, and I still have warm thoughts about them. But still. You ought not to do it. Or at least, make sure the guest knows about it before accepting.)

5. Checking the guest into the hotel before he or she even arrives is not required, but, oh my god, it is wonderful when it happens. I mean, Cesare H. Tapdancing Borgia, is it nice! You get to the hotel, exhausted, stressed, worried that you’re going to suck as a GOH, and someone walks up to you and says, “Here’s your key. Go to your room and chill out. Want help with your bags?” Until you’ve been in that situation, you have no idea just how big a deal that is.

6. First thing, even before the room, make sure the guest knows where meals and such are coming from–ie, if you’re supplying a per diem, put it in the guest’s hand before he or she has to ask; if the charges can go to the room, say so. This is to save embarrassment. Some of us feel really weird saying, “So, um, I’m hungry. Can you, er, buy me a meal?”

6.1 ETA: This is more of a note-to-self to check on it before accepting an invitation, but, if you’re offering a per diem, make sure it is actually enough to feed the GOH and any guest for the time you’ve asked them to be there.

7. Having a programming questionnaire that includes things like, “what events do you not want to be against,” and, “who do you want to do panels with,” and, “who do you not want to be panels with” is also relatively new, and a very fine thing that saves a lot of irritation. For the record, there was no one at Boskone that I asked not to do a panel with, but I very much appreciated being asked.

8. After the convention, if the guest didn’t suck, say so. I mean, give us a bit of reassurance. You would be amazed at how insecure we can be. “They hated me,” we say to ourselves. “I was stupid on panels, and didn’t talk to enough people, and they really wish they’d invited Jerry Pournelle instead.” (To be fair, as a guest, you should do the same–if they ran a good convention, like Boskone did, tell them so. Hey, Boskone, you rock!)

 

The Mechanisms of Ignorance

This is one of my favorite kinds of blog posts: where I dive into it not knowing the answer. Usually when that happens, it’s what I write a book about, but some questions I don’t want to turn into novels.

So here’s what we’re starting with: global capitalism cannot meet the needs of the world’s population.  More and more as capitalism demonstrates its exhaustion, we are seeing income disparity, which in turn drives the militarization of local police, increased police state measures such as spying on citizens and extreme persecution of whistle-blowers, and war measures as capitalists who can no longer count on economic bullying resort to violence to secure resources, market share, profit.

As these things increase, we notice something else: a drastic rise in ignorance.  And that’s where I’m mystified.

Let me be clear that in some cases, the ignorance is easily explained: belief in climate change is a direct threat to oil profits, so of course there will be climate change deniers.  And then, as capitalism finds it has less and less need for educated workers, education is slashed, hacked, and burned, so the ground for mass ignorance is being laid.

But there’s more to it, and that’s what I’m not getting.  To be precise, whence comes the rise in anti-vaxxers?  It isn’t just that they view children as property and want to debate who owns them (“The state doesn’t own the children, parents own the children.” — Rand Paul), it is very conscious ignorance and refusal to see reality.  Similarly, those who deny evolution.  In both of these cases, and others, there is a strong correlation to the most appalling right-wing political positions, with the ugliest forms of bigotry, and, moreover, such nonsense has become more widespread as the crisis of global capitalism has deepened, hence I do not accept coincidence as the answer.  What I’m not seeing is why this correlation exists?  Where is the relation between preserving private property as the highest goal, and a literal interpretation of the Bible?  And, above all, what is the mechanism by which these ideas slither down from the conscious reactionary to the merely ignorant?  I’ll be interested to hear what some of you think.

 

A Note

Dearest Steven,

I write to you in the form of a draft blog post as a reminder to us both that we ought to be publicizing your upcoming convention and festival appearances, and further, that such public-facing mentions of same should be cheery, perhaps even excited, in tone–though it wouldn’t do to be crass–and must additionally give all relevant details and links for the appearances in question.

I am certain that your mind, which, being fair, nimble, and concise enough to amass the many fans who at this time are doubtless waiting with bated breath for news of your public appearances, could produce a note which accomplishes the goals outlined above with the effort of a mere moment.

Until such time as we can enjoy the satisfaction of pressing “Publish” on that happy post, I remain your affectionate,

Jen

*****************

I cannot but admit to the extreme justice of your observation. As my plans for travel come close, it may be that someone who reads this would be interested in learning where I intend to be, and, just as much, when I intend to be there.

Believe me when I say that your kindness in taking on the burden of disseminating the details of these plans is not unappreciated.

-skzb

*****************

I would be rather more a poor than a humble servant were I to balk at such a pleasurable task as delineating a schedule, but I fear I must dare so far as to disagree with you on one point, and that solitary point is, as you must have already guessed, the word ‘burden’. Such a word, applied in this instance, implies that it would be weighty or difficult to do so. Yet, merely by working through the night shifting data, crafting links, and dyeing pixels to your usual specifications, I have already queued the relevant information and appended it to this very missive.

  • Boskone, February 13-15 in Boston, MA. [link] Take note that Friday afternoon program items are open to the public.
  • Minicon 50 & Cats Laughing Reunion, April 2-5, in Bloomington, MN. [link] [Cats link] Concert is planned for Friday.
  • Fox Cities Book Festival, April 20-26, 2015, Appleton, WI. [link] Steve is currently scheduled for Thursday evening.

Now I must beg you not to waste a moment of your precious time or energy in any unnecessary displays of gratitude, as I assure you, it was no trouble whatsoever.

-Jen

*****************

The Horse! This is astonishing! And only your remonstrance–to ignore which would, under the circumstances, be the height of inconsideration–prevents me from using all of my hard-won, long-practiced, and well-cherished eloquence to express the profound degree of gratitude, and, moreover, admiration, that the splendid, timely, and elegant completion of this task has inspired in me.

-skzb