Category: Texas Wisdom

“When you’re deluded, every statement is an ulcer; when you’re enlightened, every word is wisdom; when you got a blister on your foot, every step’s a bitch.”

— Billy-Bob Gautama

One day Frankie Dell was talking to Billy-Bob Gautama.  He said, “Goat, how old are you?”  “I’m forty-seven,” said Billy-Bob.  “Now, that can’t be right,” said Frankie.  “Last time I asked you, you said you were forty-seven, and that must have been at least two years ago.”  Billy-Bob shrugged and said, “You think I’d change my mind so soon?”

One day Billy-Bob Gautama and a monk were walking through a forest.  As they approached a stream, they saw a pretty young woman standing at the edge.  She explained that she was afraid to cross the stream, and so Billy-Bob picked her up, carried her across, and set her down on the other side.   A few hours later, the monk said, “Brother, is it not true that our order forbids contact with the opposite sex?  And yet, you  carried that woman across the stream.”  “Brother,” said Billy-Bob.  “Are you still carrying that woman?  I set her down hours ago.  You should have copped a feel while you had the chance.”

“Give a man a fish, you feed him for a day.  Teach a man to fish, you’ll find that bastard right in your favorite spot.”

— Billy-Bob Gautama

One day Billy-Bob Gautama was on the roof of his house, trying to fix a leak.  A stranger came up and called, “Say, can I ask you something?”  “Sure,” said Billy-Bob.  “Well,” said the man, “you have to come down here so I can ask you.”  Billy-Bob climbed down the ladder and said, “All right, what is it?”  The man said, “Can you spare some money for a poor old man?”  Billy-Bob smiled, patted his arm, and said, “Come with me.”  He went up the ladder to the roof, the stranger following.  When they were both up there, Billy-Bob turned him and said, “No.”