The Dream Café

Steven Brust: “A masterful storyteller of contagious glee and self-deprecating badassery” —Skyler White

We’d Watch These

| 15 Comments

A sampling of television programs Steve and Jen are looking forward to in the coming season:

Arc of My Heart: A teen historical romance following Joan of Arc and her high school class as they discover love and fight the English.

Ep 01: “Pilot.” In 1428, Joan and her classmates enter their junior year at Orleans High, home of the Fighting Maids. Joan has no plans to marry, as she is saving herself to be a magical paladin-bride to Jesus, but that doesn’t mean she isn’t interested in the latest dresses and helping her friends Margaret and Catherine catch husbands! Margaret has her eye on the Archangel Michael, who is secretly the bastard half-brother of Louis, Duke of Orleans, but he’s been promised to Tiffany, the mean blonde handmaiden of the Duchess. Can the ladies finish their alchemy homework before English bowmen attack?

Ep 04: “The Rose.” Joan’s encounter with the handsome garrison commander has her questioning the value of holy virginity. Handmaiden Tiffany is with child, possibly by the mad Headmaster Charles VI, freeing Michael to court Margaret, but Joan has a vision and is forced to decide whether to tell them that their romance could doom all of France. There is a mystery beast from the forest terrorizing the teachers’ lounge.

Ep 10: “Redder Than Blood.” Now secretly wed to the Dauphin, Joan travels to Burgundy with Catherine and Michael’s half-angel infant daughter in a desperate bid to raise troops. Michael continues building Joan’s +2 Armor of Siege-Lifting in shop class, but runs into trouble when mad Headmaster Charles VI starts asking too many questions. The mystery beast from the forest turns out to be a friendly highwayman who teaches the handmaidens a very special lesson about disability and Christmas, which may have been inside them all along. (Guest star: Aldis Hodge)

*****

Mercutio and the Nurse: He’s one of the finest blades in Verona, she’s a foul-mouthed dry nurse. Together, they fight crime.

Ep 01: “Pilot.” Friar Laurence goes missing. Notes are delivered to Capulet and Montague that they must each produce 1,000 ducats, and deliver them together, or the friar will be killed. Capulet and Montague, though both fond of Laurence, will not cooperate. Can Mercutio and the Nurse find the kidnapper in time?

Ep 02: “Too Too Flimsy Evidence.” A mysterious stranger comes to town and reveals himself to be a prince. Mercutio and the Nurse must accompany him to Denmark to solve the mystery of his father’s murder, lest he take the law into his own hands, with dire consequences for all.

Ep 09: “When In Florence.” Mercutio and the Nurse receive an urgent message from their friends Leo and Nick, who have been accused of fomenting rebellion against Pope Alexander VI. Can their innocence be proved? (crossover)

*****

Leo and Nick: In this screwball comedy set in Renaissance Italy, Leonardo da Vinci is an expert on everything except politics, and Niccolo Machiavelli is a political fixer. Along with papal spy Lucrezia Brogia and her well-meaning but bumbling brother Cesare, what will they get up to next?

Ep 01: “Pilot.” Leo and Nick decide that the best way to give Florence access to the sea is to reroute the Arno River. Everything is going fine until Cesare Borgia shows up to help. Hijinks ensue.  Meanwhile, Lucrezia searches the papal residence for a “B” plot.

Ep 02: “Been Weighting Long Enough.” When Leo invents an anti-gravity device, Cesare Borgia accidentally flies off in it. Nick has to keep the secret from his girlfriend Lucrezia until Leo can find a way to get him back.

Ep 10: “Questionable Taste.” Leo invents a time machine, and he and Nick travel to the New World in the 21st Century. In a place called Louisiana, they meet a Moor who is surrounded by vampires. Charmed by his jambalaya and his strangely enjoyable smoke, they decide to save him. (crossover)

*****

True Weed: In this “True Blood” spinoff, Lafayette cooks and deals his way from one side of the country to the other, helping those in need with his wisdom and outstanding stash.

Ep 01: “Pilot.” While passing through Austin, Texas, Lafayette meets a group of hipsters who plan to steal his dope. He is warned by Byron, a handsome stranger in cowboy boots. Lafayette must hang onto his weed while teaching them about fair play and how to cook crayfish.

Ep 2: “And Vine.” Lafayette and his new sidekick Byron reach Hollywood and run into a bunch of studio executives. This is his chance to convince them to make the “Black Widow” movie we’ve all been dreaming of. His pot is good, but is it good enough? (Guest star: Scarlett Johansson)

Ep 11: “Hearts and Minds.” Lafayette and Byron arrive in New York City. A famous TV personality is on a campaign to tighten drug laws. Lafayette goes on his show and wins his heart with his famous Cajunburgers. But he’s put something extra into the dessert. Will it be enough to change the TV personality’s mind? Meanwhile, Byron insists they visit Times Square for reasons of his own. (Guest star: Larry King)

*****

Sons of Piety: This steamy crime drama features Pilgrims as you’ve never seen them before. Through witch trials, gang wars, and international ergotphetamine smuggling deals, one family will learn that loyalty and progress are the most important values.

Ep 01: “Upon This Plymouth Rock.” Goody and Goodman Teller rule crime in the north side of Plymouth Rock, from manufacture of forbidden Catholic dispensations to black market trade in maize and flax. The family’s daughters Elizabeth and Abigail have just invented eyeliner, and combined with their boredom from being confined to narrow-minded gender roles, trouble is brewing and bubbling double-time.

Ep 02: “The Trial.” The girls have accused their mother Tara of witchcraft, along with Wendy the Cook. The town tattoo artist is accused of slipping the devil’s mark into tattoos. Plymouth Rock might be shattered by the accusations, especially when famous traveling barrister Alan Shoreman comes to defend them. (Guest star: James Spader)

Ep 10: “New Kids on the Block.” When five handsome Quakers arrive with a musical message of peace and love, they’ve got it–the right stuff, that is. Many of Jax’s foot soldiers start hangin’ tough with the Friends. Worse, Jax suspects Goody Tara of having pantsfeelings for their leader Jonathan. Does she want to be his girl? Will the fight get bloody, or will Jonathan talk Jax into a dance-off? (Guest stars: Donny Wahlberg, Jonathan Knight)

15 Comments

  1. I was just talking to @chaosprime about Arc of My Heart, which is sort of what would happen if the actual show Reign were a manga and featured a different historic teenage woman. He pointed out that where AoMH has the high school explicitly featured, Reign is haunted by the ghost of a high school, hovering around every scene without ever becoming visible.

  2. Carmen Miranda, M.D.
    In each episode, Carmen struggles to balance the surgical needs of her patients against the complexities of keeping her headgear properly sanitized for the O.R.

    She manages an incredibly balancing act between her duties at the hospital, her active dating life, and her incredible shows at the Cabana night club.

    Frequent special musical guests.

  3. I don’t feel I know you two well enough to love you but I do love your minds-although at times they scare me.

  4. Jeff, sounds light-hearted. Good for the family.

    Amysue: <3

  5. twitter user @nyvinter did fucking spectacular fanart for Leo and Nick:
    https://twitter.com/nyvinter/status/601860950157828096

  6. Sons of piety
    Ep. 3
    Abigail and Elizabeth begin to understand that they were manipulated by the patriarchal towns people. After spending time with some pagans and learning about goddess worship and the power of their vaginas. They try to withdraw their accusations of Tara and Wendy only to be met with suspicion from Jonathan. Will they hide their stash of eyeliner and lipstick before the reverend does a bunk check? (Guest starring Gloria Steinem)

  7. Let me commend to you the actually existing show, Da Vinci’s Demons: http://alexx-kay.livejournal.com/381343.html

  8. skzb

    Karina: Needs to happen!

  9. Arthur: At the Prydain school of Druidry and Bardism, there is one secret he must always keep; he is the True King

    With classmates Gwen, Morgan and Merlin, and headmaster Uther.

  10. I would definitely watch Leo and Nick and Arc of the Heart. Mercutio would be borderline.

    The Lafayette descriptions were funny, but I wouldn’t watch the show. Sadly, we’re going to take a pass on Plymouth Rock. The wave of successful Pilgrim Zombie shows have definitely taken the air out of the concept.

  11. “Clone High” had Joan of Arc as one of the main characters. (As a goth high school girl with an unrequited crush on the clone of Lincoln.)

  12. Justifiably Norman – “She’s a federal marshal, she’s a serial killer and the mother of one of the most famous killers of all time”

    Ep 01: “Pilot.” Erica Tazel reprises her role as Rachel Brooks the Federal Marshall following a fugitive (played by Ellen Muth) to coastal Oregon when all traces of her quarry completely disappears after hiding out at the Bates Motel.

    Ep 05: “Plunge into Bulletville” Rachel digs up troubling facts about Norma Lousie as she examines the death of councilman Lee Berman and continues her bureaucratic feud with Sheriff Romero, who insists that no crimes have been committed.

  13. Ron Kaye recently reported an important truth:

    Ron Kaye I’ve been a writer for many years, and have yet to be flashed by a woman out of appreciation for my work.

    Clearly, something should be done. But what?

    Probably, the main reason women seldom flash writers in appreciation of their work (when it’s appreciated) is that they don’t realize this is an appropriate form of thanks.

    How can we inform them about this, so they understand how to properly thank a male writer they want to thank? How can they get the idea it would be appreciated?

    How can a writer get ideas across to his readers? Is there any possible way?

  14. skzb

    There is no possible response I can give to this.

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