Everybody’s Makin’ It Big But Me

Okay, first of all, here’s the original.  Written by Shel Silverstein, one of my heroes.

Now, then:


George Martin bought a new house just to store his toys.
Dean Koontz has a cellar full of wine he enjoys.
Meyer writes for millions.
I write for two or three.
Oh, everybody’s makin’ it big but me.

Oh, everybody’s makin’ it big but me.
Everybody’s makin’ it big but me.
Rowling drinks Dom Perignon
While I drink Lipton tea.
Everybody’s makin’ it big but me.

Steve King has a mansion with an iron gate
E.L. James in London has a private estate
Jane Yolen has a castle
I can’t pay my dentist fee.
Oh, everybody’s makin’ it big but me.

Oh, Everybody’s makin’ it big but me.
Everybody’s makin’ big but me.
I know from science fiction
And even fantasy
How come everybody’s makin’ it big but me?

I tried to write best sellers like Orson Scott Card
I tried to write like Gaiman but it was much too hard.
I even gave YA a spin
But semi-colons did me in;
Everybody’s makin’ big but me.

Oh, everybody’s makin’ it big but me
Yea, everybody’s makin’ it big but me.
Scott Lynch is on the Times list
John Scalzi’s on TV.
Everybody’s makin’ it big but me.

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I play the drum.

18 thoughts on “Everybody’s Makin’ It Big But Me”

  1. Those other authors are all* terrible. Since the consumering public has terrible taste, those authors are bound to be more popular than you.

    *I haven’t read stuff by all of them, and they probably aren’t actually awful, but I like your stuff better.

    PS – this is why I believe popular revolution will never work, btw, because I really believe that the masses have no ability to discern better, if that better falls outside their area of specialization. Not to change the subject. Maybe you can make a post sometime (or point me to one you’ve already done) explaining why I’m wrong.

  2. Um, Mechaninja, I’m pretty sure you mean well, there, but you know that some of the writers Steve jokes about in this are friends of his, and people whose work he admires? Kind of makes those words of reassurance not very, well, reassuring…

  3. Ah, well, so much for my silly joke then.

    I personally have never enjoyed reading Martin, Koontz, Rowling, and King. I have … issues stemming from a shared religion with Mr. Card, let’s say, and I guess I managed to forget that Mr. Gaiman was on there after a quick first read and an easy joke in hand.

    I didn’t see your name or Scalzi or … uh, Shetterly in the verses. That and Mr. Gaiman are about all I know about who Steve’s writer friends are, because I really just skim the stuff that isn’t about Vlad or Khaavren or Feng or etc, so I figured “oh what the hey” and wrote up my joke.

    With the possible exception of Mr. Gaiman, I do think Steve should be more famous than all of them put together, based only upon how much enjoyment I’ve taken from their respective works ;)

    And popular music is all awful so I must be right!

  4. Em’s right, of course. Yolen, Lynch, Gaiman, and Scalzi are all friends, and I have a great deal of respect for Martin’s work, and the one time I met King he was charming and delightful. But the main point is, I don’t actually mean the song. I just love the original, and the temptation of making it about SF was just too much to resist. In actual fact, if I were any “bigger” than I am now, I think it might start having a bad effect on my life, and possibly my work.

    But the thought was appreciated, nevertheless.

    Oh, and, yes, Jane Yolen has a castle in Scotland. Pretty cool, huh? And hey, if anyone has earned it, she has.

  5. You know, if ten years ago someone had told me that Steven Brust would consider me a friend, that same someone would then have had to sponge down the walls because MY MIND WOULD HAVE BEEN BLOWN.

    Glad to know you, Steve. Glad you’re my friend. And glad to be in that song!

  6. My favorite author again makes me smile. And hey, they all have all that stuff, but you wrote Billy Kevely… and you say it’s when you were off your game, so that’s totally awesome.

  7. Steven, I have gotten out of the habit of reading of late and I am re-reading your books to get back into it.

    Emma I love your avatar as much as I love your books. I’m sure you will be next after I get enough of Vlad.

  8. I think something about Neil marrying Amanda Palmer — “why can’t I marry Amanda Palmer?” would have worked, too. Played up more that this is a joke.

  9. I discovered your Vlad Taltos audiobooks last week! I had last looked for them a few years ago and only found one a friend loaned me that was text-to-speech. I got two sentences in and burned the abomination. I can’t tell you how thrilled I am to find them done professionally!
    I hate it when people say ” I would kill for…”. I am always tempted to make them prove it. But I would clip a couple of fingernails so severely short that they would be painfully annoying for a week if you could get the 500 Years After series recorded. I would pay a premium to hear that dialogue done well.

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