My Forthcoming Poker Book

Here is the outline for my soon-to-be-written poker book:*

Chapter 1: How to prevent bad beats by always going in with the worst hand.

Chapter 2: Drawing dead and getting there.

Chapter 3: How to put your opponent on a hand you can beat so you can justify calling.

Chapter 4: Bluffing the nuts into the guy who has ’em.

Chapter 5: How to slowplay until beat then checkraise.

Chapter 6: The fine art of “taking one off.”

Chapter 7: Getting really mad in order to improve your play.

Appendix A: Top seven excuses explanations for why you called with that piece of shit hand.

Appendix B: Keys to popularity within the poker community, including explaining to everyone at the table what they did wrong, and telling bad beat stories.


* For all of you non poker players: The above is not serious, okay? I’m kidding. I’m not really writing a poker book. I am, however, preparing a major work on particle physics.**

** I’m kidding about that, too.


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17 thoughts on “My Forthcoming Poker Book”

  1. I had AA twice in one round and … Oh, sorry, thought you needed bad beat stories.

  2. Chapter 7: Why it’s impossible to lose with trips
    Chapter 8: Winning with a straight

  3. Make it funny and I’d buy a copy. :) Poker humor, it’s a poorly explored niche market in the publishing industry.

  4. Steve, even if you are really planning to do that book, it’s not _your_ outline.
    Because the number of chapters is not 17!

  5. *enter a squirrel*
    Squirrel: “Hey, can I flop the nuts?”
    Ms. Pennyworth: “Do you even know what that means?”
    Squirrel: “No, but I don’t have to. I’m a fucking squirrel!”
    *exit squirrel*

  6. Between Chapter 5 and Matthew Breen’s question, I’m not even a little bit certain this never-to-be-written book is really about poker.

  7. You left out the chapter “how to slow play till your beat and then check raise” I don’t need it as I am personally very skilled at this but others might want help…

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