Here is the outline for my soon-to-be-written poker book:*
Chapter 1: How to prevent bad beats by always going in with the worst hand.
Chapter 2: Drawing dead and getting there.
Chapter 3: How to put your opponent on a hand you can beat so you can justify calling.
Chapter 4: Bluffing the nuts into the guy who has ’em.
Chapter 5: How to slowplay until beat then checkraise.
Chapter 6: The fine art of “taking one off.”
Chapter 7: Getting really mad in order to improve your play.
Appendix A: Top seven
excuses explanations for why you called with that piece of shit hand.
Appendix B: Keys to popularity within the poker community, including explaining to everyone at the table what they did wrong, and telling bad beat stories.
* For all of you non poker players: The above is not serious, okay? I’m kidding. I’m not really writing a poker book. I am, however, preparing a major work on particle physics.**
** I’m kidding about that, too.