The Dream Café

Steven Brust: “A masterful storyteller of contagious glee and self-deprecating badassery” —Skyler White

Why All These Conspiracy Theories?


I mean, why would someone believe this stuff?  UFOs?  Bigfoot?  Faked moon landing?  I mean, really, faked moon landing?  Come ON.

Well, I’ve been working with Tabetha Wallace (@tabethawithane), and we’ve managed to penetrate the veil of secrecy at last.  I’ll tell you why people believe it.  It’s because they want us to.  They?  The government.

Tabetha and I have become convinced that there is a secret government program to make people believe crazy conspiracy theories.  Why do we think so?  Look at the evidence.

1. No one could believe that shit on its face.

2. We know the government wants to control us.

3. They already control all the media, so if they wanted all of those idiotic theories squashed, they could squash them in a heartbeat.  If they’re still around, it’s because they want them around.

4. And have you noticed that people who wear tin-foil hats always expound the most absurd theories? There’s a reason for that. The government is beaming radio waves full of crazy theories on a frequency that can only be picked up if you’re wearing a tin-foil hat.

People, do not be fooled!  The government wants you to be an obedient little automaton who spreads idiotic theories to distract you from what they’re really doing.

Be on your guard.

And if I suddenly disappear, well, just take it as further evidence, and carry on my work.



Author: skzb

I play the drum.


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