The Dream Café

Steven Brust: “A masterful storyteller of contagious glee and self-deprecating badassery” —Skyler White

John Scalzi's Blog

| 43 Comments

I’ve done my work for the day,
I’ve twittered random shit.
I’ve whined about immigration;
And I’m sure I displayed my wit.
I’ve drunk my supper, watched some porn,
And even fed the dog.
Now it’s time to be an idiot on John Scalzi’s blog.

He’s the president of SFWA
His comment strings are long.
Lots of people pay attention,
SO I HAVE TO PROVE HIM WRONG!
He wouldn’t dare delete my words,
Or the comment chain I’ll clog.
So I’m free to be an idiot on John Scalzi’s blog.

He calls his blog “Whatever”
And that’s just what you’ll see:
Whatever I must do
To get him to look at me.
In the atmosphere of discourse
I will be the smog.
I’ll be the biggest idiot on John Scalzi’s blog.

It isn’t that I hate him
Or that I like to fight
It’s just my means of self-expression
Now that I’m banned from Making Light.
When they call me assbag, troll, and jerk
I’ll jump up and down, agog,
Because it proves I am an idiot on John Scalzi’s blog.

I suppose I could go get a life,
Or read a book or three,
And maybe listen to some of those
With whom I disagree.
But it seems like so much effort,
Whereas falling off a log
Is hard compared to spreading crap on John Scalzi’s blog.

 

corwin

Author: corwin

Site administrative account, so probably Corwin, Felix or DD-B.

43 Comments

  1. *snort*

    I liked it.

  2. Now that I’m banned from Making Light.

    Ha ha. Classic.

  3. Sweet and timely.

  4. Just for the record, a number of people who aren’t idiots, assbags, trolls, or jerks have also gotten banned from Making Light, and I’ll defend them to the death if anyone says they are. It’s complicated.

  5. Shouldn’t Line 4 Stanza 1 be:

    “And I’m sure I displayed my wit or

    “And I sure displayed my wit” or

    “And sure displayed my wit”

    It just looks like a word is missing.

  6. Don’t read blog read from writers, that you like. If you do so, you will quickly find out, that they are (too) much like common people, worshiping strange gods and being smarter than thou, and in other things being strangely naive.

  7. Hee, very nice.

    @Bob, Try reading that line like there are commas in it: “And, I’m sure, displayed my wit.”

  8. I can’t decide if my inability to speak is the result of awe or dismay. *g*

  9. Steve, Mile Hi Con Programing needs your preferences for scheduling. I sent her your email from Dreamcafe, but I don’t know how often you check that.
    Rose’s (programming Godess) email is milehiconprogram@hotmail.com.
    BTW, what is your area code? I think I heard it wrong when I got it from Martin.

    Great poem.
    Banned from Making Light?
    I am sure that is a story.

  10. Inspiring! I’m off to spark controversy on one of his posts about bunnies. The internet is no place for pictures of animals unless text has been added!

    What sort of tune would this be sung to? Drinking song? Polka?

  11. YoungBS, it would make a lovely waltz.

  12. Cass: That’s the right email address; I’m just jammed up for time. Surgery tomorrow and all that. Just put me on some stuff. Preferably stuff about writing process. Area code is 702.

  13. Bob: Fixed, thanks.

    Thanks all for the kind words. And, beeteedubs, if you think it might have been directed at you, ipso facto it wasn’t.

  14. It’s just my means of self-expression
    Now that I’m banned from Making Light.

    DIES AND IS DED OF FUNNY. Loudly, startling the cat.

    (…in all acknowledgement of TNH’s caveat above, of course.)

  15. (@ whoever asked what tune) A Dalesman’s Litany. At least in _my_ head. Now. Cos I’m working on an arrangement for my *new* group. And it’s in 6/8.

  16. I didn’t have a tune in mind, just thought of it as verse. But, of course, I wouldn’t mind if someone set it.

  17. Nice!

    And good wishes for tomorrow, Steve. Let us know which superpowers they install along with the hardware, OK?

  18. Will be thinking strength and healing at you tomorrow, Steve. May all go well, and the healing be swift!

    Enjoyed your poem, too. (Can’t wait for the song.) ;^)

  19. Steve, I wrote an air in open D tuning two days ago but was unable to come up with words. My coffee nearly went down the wrong tube when I realized your poem fits. May I set to music with attribution? I just so heart this poem, and like other commenters, loved the Making Light reference.

  20. Oh man, I drenched my desk in an enormous spit take. That…bravo.

  21. LOL!

    ps – Best wishes on a speedy recovery!

  22. Um, I accidentally went ahead and recorded a song using these lyrics. I hope you don’t hate it.

  23. I am envisioning a filk gathering called “singing about each other.”

  24. I suppose that this poem could have been named “Meeting John Scalzi’s Mallet”.

  25. Another take on foregoing poem, lyrics mildly tweaked for singability. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Y_gNvDU2Hs&

  26. That Neil Guy and Allegra: I less than three these both. What a delightful thing to come from the hospital to! Thanks.

  27. You’re out of the hospital then? Sounds like things went at least adequately, if not well. Hope you’re back up to fighting trim soon!

  28. The man is simply a genius and an inspiration. I just adore him. This poem is pretty damn awesome too. <3 <3 <3 Wishing you a speedy and quick recovery.

  29. Awesome. Glad to hear you are home and greetings from a fellow cyborg — though mine’s just a commonplace knee joint (but I do love it, walking’s grand innit).

  30. I listened to an interview that the Geek’s Guide to the Galaxy did with John a few weeks back. Your name was plugged halfway in the interview (second or third time in that podcast to date).

  31. That is terribly kind of him.

  32. He was referring to the Jhereg series as something funny new and original (duh).

    On another podcast after interviewing Anne Rice the hosts mentioned Agyar.

    To Rhein in Hell was mentioned in another episode.

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  34. Totally off topic
    Why are your earlier books no longer available as ebooks?
    I own all the paperback ones, but I am in Africa now, and the only thing I could bring with stuff to read is an ebook reader (I have a kindle)
    I have looked through other threads and have not seen an answer.
    Inquiring minds (or at least one) want to know.
    Thanks

  35. To the best of my knowledge and belief, everything I’ve written is available in hard copy and ebook. If this isn’t the case, I’m afraid I don’t know why; it would be up to my publisher. I don’t know how good Tor is at replying to such questions, but you could try asking them.

  36. Thanks for replying. According to the Tor (MacMillen) website, Ace (Penguin) publishes your first seven books, and so the former is only offering the later books. And according to the latter’s website, they are only offered in the consolidated paperback versions, not electronically. (sigh)
    Hope Hawk starts rolling trippingly off your pen/computer.
    Thanks again.

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  38. Clearly I’ve been spending too much money on your books. Won’t happen again. Thanks for letting me know.

  39. So marry him already.

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