The Dream Café

Steven Brust: “A masterful storyteller of contagious glee and self-deprecating badassery” —Skyler White

New song lyrics, waiting for a setting.

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…or some other song it can be sung to. Anyway, *ahem* here’s my latest chart-buster:

My TV is on the food channel
Looking for new things to eat.
But when that music starts
It goes straight to my heart
Which stirs, shakes, and then skips a beat.
The palms of my hands become moist
I reach for fresh pepper to grate
I set the oven on kill
And hold myself still
As my soul starts to salivate
Chorus:

I want to have Alton Brown’s baby
Just cuz I love how he cooks.
We’d make a child, in the end
That’s a fabulous blend
Of his talent, along with his looks.

My eyes remain glued to the TV
In rapture, I don’t even blink.
Each kitchen applience
With gastronomical science
(Everything but the kitchen sink)
Is grist for a splendid concoction.
If I can’t cook it, it isn’t his fault.
I’m in love with his eyes
His shoulders, his thighs
His voice and his kosher salt.
Repeat chorus

corwin

Author: corwin

Site administrative account, so probably Corwin, Felix or DD-B.

0 Comments

  1. Man, you just spoiled my dinner!

    (Oh the thinks I can think…)

  2. For some reason, that’s coming out country in my head.

    I don’t *listen* to country.

    But that’s just how it’s coming out. And my God, I could write it right now.

  3. corwin

    B. Durbin @ 2: Hee! Go for it!

  4. Have you seen this list? My favorite is Number 20: “Alton Brown’s cakes don’t rise. They ascend.” I can no longer remember where I first saw this, and it’s possible I got it from you. ;->

  5. All right, PDF is on its way. Have fun.

  6. Brother Alton is teh hawtness, and your lyrics are, too.

  7. Hehehe, that’s fantastic!

    Alton Brown is wonderful. I learn more about cooking from one of his episodes than I do watching six months of other shows on that network.
    He’s my cooking deity, and the reason I now own an infrared thermometer.

    So, when will Cat and I be able to cook dinner for you again? That’s the real question. 🙂

    Great song! I can’t wait to hear it played…

    ChrisO

  8. My younger brother watches Good Eats almost religiously, and my sister and I enjoy the show too. I printed out your lyrics and gave them to him, thinking he would enjoy reading them.

    …He took it to the next step and is now in the other room with his video camera, trying to make up a tune and pretending he can play guitar. It’s pretty sad- but if it turns out to be the least bit entertaining (our family posesses no musical talent), I’ll see if I can get it online, if thats alright with you.

  9. corwin

    B. Durbin has actually sent me a tune; I’m just waiting to find someone who can read music to hear how it sounds. If you want, I’m sure she wouldn’t mind if I passed it along to your brother.

  10. I *will* play with it myself but because of the Great Denvention and Family Trip, that won’t be until late August. Unless some filker at Denvention works it out with me…

    dang, now I need to pack the music…

  11. Oh, and feel free to pass the music along. Just make sure to note that the timing’s a little more syncopated than it’s written since I have a two-month-old child who requires attention and I didn’t want to fuss with it enough to make it perfect.

  12. My lj friends’ list is so bizarre. Not very long ago, as counterpoint to this, one of them suggested that Rachel Ray and Emeril do a porn flick. I’ll leave it to your fertile imagination when to cue the “Yummo!” and “BAM!”

  13. . . . one of them suggested that Rachel Ray and Emeril do a porn flick.

    Now the inside of my brain is blind. Thank you.

  14. Mark @ 12: That image is SO not Good Eats! 🙂

    And I’ll never be able to watch either show again without that picture filling my mind, to sour like spoiled milk. (Just to keep with the theme.)

  15. Craft Disturbing Mental Image – just another fine feat we offer.

  16. Pooch has the Alton DVD collections – cause he is spoiled.

  17. Its been a while since I’ve been on, my internet access depends entirely on when I visit friends with service. I HAD to comment on this though.

    Beautiful. In a single word, beautiful. LMAO. I too know the warm embrace that is Alton Browns culinary guidance. Good Eats is on series record on my DVR and the episode “Wake up Little Sushi” is set to only be deleted manually. He is my guru, one of few TV personalities I think I’d actually geek on if I met him. I had a dream once to that extent too. LOL, in my dream I was drooling all over him and he just wanted to get away from me.

    Steven, I laughed, I cried, I got a semi. Bless you.

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