One day a woman who was traveling through Texas happened to meet Billy-Bob Gautama. They spoke of the many splendors of Texas and the Manifold Path. Then the woman said, “There is one thing I do not understand. There are cowboys here. Real cowboys, who work with cows. Why do they dress so funny?”
“Because,” said Billy-Bob, “everything one does, says, or even wears is an expression of self, of the eternal within one. With cowboys, their dress is practical. Do you see Fiddler Jim over there? He is a cowboy. Regard his clothing. The hat is to keep the sun from his eyes. The kerchief is to keep the dust from his nose. The chaps permit him to ride a horse without chafing his legs . And the sneakers are so he don’t look like a god damn truck driver.”
Thus the woman was enlightened.
Once a monk asked Billy-Bob Gautama, “Does a dog have a Buddha nature or not?” Billy-Bob said, “Mu.” The monk smiled and said, “That is the right answer. By saying ‘yes’ you would be thoughtlessly parroting traditional teachings; but by saying ‘no’ you would be denying the dog’s Buddha nature. By saying, ‘Mu’ you tell me that neither answer is correct; rather, the question is a paradox, and like all paradoxes, is used to gain insight into our own Buddha nature.” “Actually,” said Billy-Bob, scratching the ears of his coon-hound, “I was just telling you his name.” Thus was the monk enlightened.
One day a sage said to Billy-Bob Gautama, “You must be the change you wish to see in the world.” Billy-Bob considered this, then said, “Well, that don’t sound bad. Only how am I s’posed to be the difference ‘twixt a ‘ninety-one Chev Silverado and a ought-nine Dodge Ram?” Thus was the sage enlightened.
One day Chipmonk Joe and Billy-Bob Gautama were sitting around talking. The subject of Wasted Willie Borgess came up. Joe said, “He’s a fucking asshole.” “Now Chip,” said Billy-Bob, “that’s no way to talk. You talk about someone like that, the only harm it does is to you.” “Okay, Goat,” said Joe, “what do YOU think of him?” “Oh, me?” said Billy-Bob. “Why, I think he’s a fucking asshole, bless his heart.”
One day Sam Puckett was hanging out with Billy-Bob Gautama, sitting around drinking beers. Sam turned on the TV and started flipping channels. “What’s on?” said Billy-Bob. “Nothin’,” said Sam. “Good,” said Billy-Bob. “Let’s watch that.”