Category: Texas Wisdom

When Billy-Bob Gautama was a young man, he met a great teacher, and soon the two of them were engaged in deep conversation about the Manifold Path and the Four Virtues.  As they spoke, the teacher poured beer into Billy-Bob’s glass.  When the glass was full, he kept pouring, and soon the beer spilled onto the table.  “Now wait,” said Billy-Bob.  “That glass won’t hold any more.”  “That is right,” said the teacher.  “And if you don’t empty your mind, no new wisdom can enter it.”  “I get that,” said Billy-Bob.  “But if you don’t quit spilling my beer, I’m going to kick your ass.”  Thus the teacher was Enlightened.

Johnny Bishop was remarking about how Billy-Bob Gautama didn’t have any sort of job.  He said, “Goat, have you ever been offered work?”  “Only once,” said Billy-Bob.  “Other than that, people have been real nice.”

One day three blind men approached a car.  The first one touched the side-view mirror and said, “It’s an antique.  Probably mid-50’s.”  The second touched the rear fender and said, “Yep.  ’56 Dodge.”  The third touched the front bumper, which hit him, busting his leg up pretty good.  He’s the one who was Enlightened.

— Billy-Bob Gautama

One day it rained so hard that, even after it stopped, there was a puddle at the corner of Alamo Street and Texas Avenue.  Billy-Bob Gautama got his fishing pole, dropped a line into the puddle, and made like he was fishing.  Johnny Nogg came by, saw him, and said, “Hey, Goat, how many have you caught?”  Billy-Bob looked up and said, “You’re the eleventh.”

One day a famous Zen Master named Shuzan was visiting Billy-Bob Gautama.  Shuzan picked up the short staff that was leaning against the porch and said, “If you call this a short staff, you oppose its reality.  If you do not call it a short staff, you ignore the fact.  Now what do you wish to call this?” Billy-Bob said, “I call it Hank after my great-uncle ’cause it sorta reminds me of him.”