The Old Double-nerd Flag

It’s rare to have a chance to fly both my filk-nerd flag and my gaming-nerd flag at the same time, so how can I pass it up? In the table-top campaign Jenphalian is running, we were told we needed to sing for our supper, and given a few weeks to come up with a song.  This is mine.  If you are so culturally deprived that you can’t deduce the tune, you can embarrass yourself by asking and I’ll tell you.  Also, just for clarification, I’ve marked with an asterisk the stuff that is specific to that campaign and thus might not make sense.


Sevri [spoken, to Almoni]: …and then we’ll have a mock duel to get his lordship’s attention, and then he’ll ask me to swear loyalty, and—

Dorian [spoken]: The quest is where you belong!

[start music]

Dorian [spoken]:  Sevri, listen to me. The world of the nobility and the peasants, it’s boring. Life on the quest is better than being stuck here with some aristocrat.

Dorian: The gold piece is always brighter in somebody else’s purse.
But swearing in as a fighter, you’ll find out it’s just a curse.
There’s all of this loot we stare at, and it’s either us or them.
The snowmen* each have a carrot: the unit of weight of gems!

Out on the quest Out on the quest
Sneaking and hiding, or running and riding two abreast
It’s just dull at hearth and hall,
We like a good old dungeon crawl.
Once we get going we’re all saving throwing
Out on the quest.

The rogue on the quest does service, he’s glad to be out of town.
The rogue off the quest is nervous, who knows who might track him down?
But once in the fight we manage, we’re fine though they say we’re nuts.
If we get some minor damage,
Aelwyd: Guess who has to heal your butts.

Dorian: Out on the quest, Out on the quest
Though skeletons face you at least they won’t place you under arrest.
Maybe we die some here and there, but we’re not bored so we don’t care.
We do our duty and pick up more booty out on the quest.

Out on the quest.
Combat’s a must here, parry and thrust here, you’ll be impressed.
Even the paladin and the mage, they get that old berserker rage.
Happy to slay ’em. We got the mayhem out on the quest.

The monk is a punk, the vamp is a champ.
The knight is all right his helmet’s a lamp.*
The ranger’s a danger, tanks get our thanks
The fin’s going in the soup.* (yum)
The barb in his garb can hit pretty deep.
Assassin is hiding Can’t see him creep.
The wiz knows his biz, the priest never ceased
And watch that archer shooooot.

Out on the quest Out on the quest
Whenever we seize phylacteries it’s just the best!
What have they got? A lot of hicks. We get to roll our 3D6
Every dual wielder is a damage dealer out on the quest.
Each druid shaman does element bombin’ out on the quest.
Each sword and boarder going in order
Though we give a sob for Paladin Bob*
It’s courage we measure when counting the treasure
Out on the quest!



Last, click here if you want the performance.

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I play the drum.

14 thoughts on “The Old Double-nerd Flag”

  1. Very nicely done, it’s what we would call a classic dad joke in our house. I haven’t managed to mix those two themes before. I’ve done ones like “You’ve got to take the trash outside” to my sons to the tune of “He’s got friends on the other side” in Princess and the Frog. (Though Keith David sounds awesome in that song, and my own bass is mediocre.)

  2. Very skillful!

    What’s the tune?

    Interesting to see you have tefillin in your game. Do you ever display some taleysim?

  3. Thanks for identifying the tune.

    Tefillin are Jewish phylacteries. (I’ve never seen “phylactery” used in any other sense, though there are other senses.) Taleysim is the plural of talis (both Ashkenazic pronunciations), a Jewish prayer shawl. Here are some pictures of Jewish men wearing them. The tefillin are the two boxes with straps.

  4. Phylacteries are fairly standard in RPGs. You run into them a lot if you’re going up against a lich or a powerful necromancer.

  5. Now that I’m at home, where I have a computer with working sound, I was impressed by the video too.

    I always imagined the phylacteries in AD&D as tefillin. I should say “in AD&D books”, since in my various stints as a player, we never got to the point of running into liches or powerful necromancers.

  6. Wow..that song spoke to me personally…gotta love those 3D6’s…I bet Netflix would love
    Vlad since they lost the bidding war for LOTR…racial tension is a timely issue..You and Glen Cook , and Stephen Donaldson have been overlooked for too long…Write Del Toro a song!!!

  7. The Concealed One: Until a network is ready to show Croaker telling a brother to muzzle a rape victim so Croaker can concentrate on writing a journal entry, I’d rather wait. It’s not that I want to see such a scene, I just don’t want to skimp on the moral ambiguity (being charitable here) of the Black Company.

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