The Dream Café

Steven Brust: “A masterful storyteller of contagious glee and self-deprecating badassery” —Skyler White

My Forthcoming Poker Book


Here is the outline for my soon-to-be-written poker book:*

Chapter 1: How to prevent bad beats by always going in with the worst hand.

Chapter 2: Drawing dead and getting there.

Chapter 3: How to put your opponent on a hand you can beat so you can justify calling.

Chapter 4: Bluffing the nuts into the guy who has ’em.

Chapter 5: How to slowplay until beat then checkraise.

Chapter 6: The fine art of “taking one off.”

Chapter 7: Getting really mad in order to improve your play.

Appendix A: Top seven excuses explanations for why you called with that piece of shit hand.

Appendix B: Keys to popularity within the poker community, including explaining to everyone at the table what they did wrong, and telling bad beat stories.


* For all of you non poker players: The above is not serious, okay? I’m kidding. I’m not really writing a poker book. I am, however, preparing a major work on particle physics.**

** I’m kidding about that, too.



Author: skzb

I play the drum.


  1. Dear Steven,

    Should I Hit on a Soft 17?


  2. skzb

    Matthew: If you can make a 1-10 split, then sure.

  3. It’s easier than it looks, if you remember the En Passant rule.

  4. I had AA twice in one round and … Oh, sorry, thought you needed bad beat stories.

  5. Chapter 7: Why it’s impossible to lose with trips
    Chapter 8: Winning with a straight

  6. Man, that’s a shame, because I’d totally read that poker book.

  7. I guess you’re saving “Alcohol Fixes Everything” for the first revision?

  8. Make it funny and I’d buy a copy. 🙂 Poker humor, it’s a poorly explored niche market in the publishing industry.

  9. Steve, even if you are really planning to do that book, it’s not _your_ outline.
    Because the number of chapters is not 17!

  10. *enter a squirrel*
    Squirrel: “Hey, can I flop the nuts?”
    Ms. Pennyworth: “Do you even know what that means?”
    Squirrel: “No, but I don’t have to. I’m a fucking squirrel!”
    *exit squirrel*

  11. Between Chapter 5 and Matthew Breen’s question, I’m not even a little bit certain this never-to-be-written book is really about poker.

  12. You left out the chapter “how to slow play till your beat and then check raise” I don’t need it as I am personally very skilled at this but others might want help…

  13. skzb

    Oh, nuts! That IS one of my favorites. It’s my specialty! Adding it now.

  14. When to switch to playing bad cards when the good cards aren’t winning

  15. Titled “Donkey: The Art of Poker”

  16. How about an analytical synopsis of the parallels between poker and particle physics?

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