The Dream Café

Steven Brust: “A masterful storyteller of contagious glee and self-deprecating badassery” —Skyler White

It’s the Finish the Song Contest!


Can you write the best last verse for this song?  The winner will receive an all-expenses paid trip to wherever you happen to be when the winner is announced.   But wait, there’s more!  If the winning verse is really, really good, I’ll claim to have written it!

I gave my love a sitcom that has no schtick.

I gave my love a med show where no spouse gets sick.

I gave my love a bad guy who isn’t mean.

I gave my love a cop show with no chase scene.


How can there be a sitcom that has no schtick?

How can there be a med show where no spouse gets sick?

How can there be a bad guy who isn’t mean?

How can there be a cop show with no chase scene?


If that’s too hard, here’s an alternate version:


I gave my love a heroine who likes having sex.

I gave my love a drama without an ex.

I gave my love a gambler without bad luck.

I gave my love a spinoff that doesn’t suck.



Author: skzb

I play the drum.


  1. I gave my love an epic fantasy seven book trilogy without anyone dying

    I gave my love an epic fantasy nine book trilogy with dragons that don’t poop

    I gave my love an epic fantasy twelve book trilogy with animals that don’t talk

    I gave my love an epic fantasy nineteen book trilogy without any elves

  2. A sitcom, when it’s folded, has no more schtick,
    A veterinary med show, no spouse to get sick,
    A bad guy manic pixie dream girl is never mean,
    An accountant cop procedural has no chase scene

  3. skzb

    Sweet! We we have an early leader!

  4. A sitcom dramedy has no schtictk
    On a med show when its MASH,, no spouse gets sick
    A Hallmark Channel bad guy is grumpy, not mean
    In a porn procedural there’s no chaste scene.. *

  5. (and often no chase scene either. They don’t want to waste footage where people could be having sex with someone running away.)

  6. skzb

    Gar: I see what you did there.

  7. I don’t think I am up to this challenge, not least because I’m still hung up on the 8th Day of Christmas, but should the prize need a little bolstering then I’m up for it!

    For example, should the winner turn out to be living in London, or accessible to, I would be happy to offer the Guided Tour to the Barbican; to boldly go where no others have gone before!

    Or at least intentionally; we Barbican residents have become relatively immune to discovering stacks of aged bones amongst the more obscure passageways.

    Naturally, the tour would include Milton, buried in my local church; I’m hoping to wear down Mr Brust’s aversion to a sequel.

    My theory is that if it’s good enough for Milton it should be fine with him, but if that doesn’t work then at least the lucky winner can look forward to a close encounter with a City which remains controlled by the City Livery Companies; your only chance to come as close to a truly medieval governmental system as delineated as fantasy by Mr Brust.

    So, kickstart your brains and go for the biggie, and may the best person win?

  8. skzb

    You heard here, folks! The prize is HAS GOTTEN EVEN BIGGER! (At least, if you live in London).

  9. My life is a sitcom that has no schtick
    The world is a med-show; it’s society that’s sick
    There never was a bad-guy who thought that he was mean
    But I never saw a cop-shop, with no chase scene.

  10. A schtickless sitcom is breakfast TV
    A med-less wife won’t put up with me
    I meant to be bad, and at that I was good
    So chase me, my darlin’, and you’ll cop some wood!

  11. Our Congress is a sitcom that has no schtick .
    Null has no wife for his show to make sick
    After school special bad-guys are lost, not mean
    Mayberry was a cop show with no chase scene

  12. Yeah I know, but “The Andy Griffith Show” and “Mayberry RFD” don’t fit the verse

  13. Schtickless sitcom, How? you ask,
    Remove the laughtrack is your first task.
    Sickless medshow spouses lacks,
    One word you need, hypochondriacs!
    Our bad guy isn’t mean you know,
    He’s just your stock anti-hero.
    No cop chases, and this I do mean,
    For we got the courts to rule them obscene.

  14. Ada was a heroine who liked to have sex.
    Breath was a drama without an ex.
    Faust was a gambler saved from his fate.
    Angel was a spinoff that didn’t – oh wait.

  15. A sitcom when in pilot has no schtick;
    A documentary med show, no spouse who gets sick.
    A bad guy in a heist movie’s not mean.
    A police uniform fashion show has no chase scene.

  16. The right floral bonnet gets laughs without schtick.
    Her brain’s disassembled but nobody’s sick.
    The villain is selfish and having her fun.
    The cops rarely chase but we’re still on the run.
    And we still wish for much more than just season one.

  17. A sitcom with 3D people — will have no schtick.
    On a pediatric med show — no spouse gets sick
    A bad guy with dreams of glory — will not be mean.
    An archeology VERY cold case cop show — has no chase scenes.

  18. A glue factory sitcom has real stick.
    A Club Med show has no spouse who gets sick.
    A trainee drag king is not mean.
    National Lampoon’s cop show has no Chase scene.

  19. Skyler wrote a heroine who likes having sex,
    The Gypsy had a hero that had no ex,
    Vlad always gambles and beats bad luck,
    A movie and a spinff — it wouldn’t suck.

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