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Learning Poker

skzb — Mon, 10 May 2010 04:45:22 +0000

There’s been some talk of poker. Yes, I play poker. For me, it’s just like meditation, except you’re thinking a lot and you make money. My Poker Master took me in when I was six years old. For three years, all he would let me do is shuffle cards. Day after day, shuffling cards. I would say to him, “When will I learn poker?” And he would smile and say, “Your riffle is imperfect.” Then he would hit me in the head with Super/System.

Later he would make me practice pushing chips into the pot. For years, all I did was move chips, until my motion flowed, and the chips were part of me, and it was myself I was pushing into the middle of the table, saying, “Throw it away, you don’t have the balls to call.”

Finally he let me begin to learn. He taught me the hand rankings, the odds of making a flush with two cards to come, as well as poker etiquette, like what to do if someone has a heart attack at the table (if he wasn’t in the hand, call the card room manager to announce an open seat).

Then the hard lessons began–discipline. Discipline, discipline, discipline. He would put duct tape over my mouth, bind my hands to my side, and deal me aces.

It was hard, but gratifying. I became one with the felt. My consciousness would expand until process was everything, results nothing, unless I took a really bad beat, in which case I had a Smith & Wesson.

Fill, or fill not. There is no draw.

Learning Poker

A Poker Song

skzb — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 03:04:03 +0000

(If the tune isn’t obvious, you are lucky, and I won’t ruin your life by directing you to the original)

It’s after midnight on Saturday
The tourney’s been running since nine.
The rock to my left is my only hope
Since he’s never defended his blinds.
So the action folds all the way round to me
I make the only move that I can.
But for just once this round, the bastard looks down
And somehow comes up with a hand.

La la la, de de da
La la, de de da da da

Chorus:
Push it all in you’re the bubble man
Your tourney has come to a stop.
But at least on the long list of losers
Your name is right at the top.

Lee6 in seat one is a maniac
He bets like he just doesn’t care.
And it’s fully a lock he’ll be starting to mock
Me before I am out of my chair.
He types, “U play like an idiot
i always nu u’d be gone.”
I want to shout how he always sucks out
But I’m afraid that he isn’t wrong.

Oh, la la la, de de da
La la, de de da da dat

There’s DoctorNo in the seven seat.
Who groans and whines all the time
He types “This is such rot, I’d have won that whole pot
If I had just played my queen-nine.”
And Dupo66 in the four seat’s
Been quiet the whole bloody game.
He’s here for the cash and doesn’t talk trash
Besides he’s from the Ukraine.

Oh, la la la, de de da
La la, de de da da da

Chorus

I did pretty good for a Saturday
This time I reached a new peak.
But if I could just make my original stake
I could buy-in and do it next week.
I’m staring now at the tournament board
I don’t usually make it this long.
But there’s no reason to cry I guess sometime I’ll try
Without the tequila and bong.

Chorus

A Poker Song

A Poker Poem

skzb — Sun, 09 Aug 2009 18:22:53 +0000

I think that I shall never love
A play as much as the all-in shove.
When I just smile and hitch my belt
And take myself down to the felt,
Then lean back, say something funny,
Like, “Call this if you don’t like money.”
My opponent weighs my expression bland:
How much does he like his hand?
The mound of chips that I have risen
Puts him to a hard decision.
Unless he is very bold
Or has the nuts, he has to fold.
As the chips fall and scatter
I know position does not matter.
And shoving in those gravid stacks
From now on I can relax
(No one can do worse, you see,
Then what I have just done to me).
Luck is made by God above;
But it takes some balls to call a shove.

A Poker Poem