Words Words Words » Family

Reen

skzb — Tue, 12 Oct 2010 15:46:59 +0000

I was half an hour outside of Minneapolis last Thursday when I got a call from my youngest daughter saying that her mother, my estranged wife, had died. None of us had expected this. She died of congestive heart failure. She would have been delighted, because this meant breast cancer didn’t get her.

Her mother died of breast cancer when she was 11, which left Reen to support her father emotionally, logistically, and often financially. When I met her she was 16 years old and was holding a full-time job as well as managing the household accounts and seeing to her father’s medical care. When we married, I was 18 and she was 17. Looking back, I believe I wanted someone to take care of me the way Reen was taking care of her father–I’d been on my own for about a year, and I wasn’t especially good at it. I believe Reen, on the other hand, wanted someone to finally take the burden off her and let her relax a bit.

Not such a good start. All she knew of love came from “I Love Lucy” and Carrie Grant movies–and I didn’t know nearly enough to contend with that. But we were together for 10 years, and produced four amazing children.

She created the character of Aliera, and you can still see her in it. When I was laid off from a programming job in 1980, she told me to take six months off and write a book, so I did; that’s why Jhereg exists. We met Bob Weir of the Grateful Dead, and Reen gave him a tarot reading, while I stood there with my mouth open. She found my old high school manuscript of my first attempt at To Reign In Hell and made me actually write the thing. When I became interested in music, she got behind it and pushed. How much of what I’ve accomplished came from her? There’s no way to know. A lot, though.

The Reen I married was like no one else I’ve met. Together with the solid, down-to-earth sense of responsibility, was a sense of fun, a sense of enthusiasm that I found irresistible–as did others who crossed her path. She found people–Martin, John, Mark–and pulled them into her world because her world was so attractive, so bright, so full of profound wonder. As she changed, and that part of her was gradually buried under health problems, pot smoke,and borderline schizophrenia, still, every once in a while it would show up and amaze anyone who was around.

We live in a world where, in addition to wonder, there are also mortgage payments, and car insurance, and medical bills, and food costs. Over the years, she went from the one who could handle all of that, to the one who needed it handled. I don’t understand how that happened, and I probably never will; but Martin was there, and so she and the children got what they needed. And because of that, I was able to focus on telling stories. Those of you reading this who enjoy my work should say, “Thank you, Martin.” Because, without him, at best there wouldn’t be as much of it.

When we learned from the autopsy that her heart was twice the normal size, everyone had the same reaction: That’s about right. Everything about her changed over the years, often becoming its opposite. Everything, that is, but this: she inspired love, because she gave it so willingly. And I think, even with all that went wrong, and even with all the could-have-beens, she made those in her life better people. At the end of the day, that’s not so little.

They’re Spinnin’ & Grinnin’ I’m Screamin’ & Streamin’

skzb — Sun, 02 May 2010 14:34:48 +0000

Yes, friends, today I will be on streaming video, live from the Spinathon, starting at 1pm Central Daylight Time. What will I be doing? Probably standing around looking like an idiot. But I’ve said I’ll do it, so I will, if I’m not in jail.

(Edit: our main website went down, of course while our admin is in transit and therefore away from the ‘net. However, we’ll still be recording the show and will have it embedded on the site this evening. You can also see it while live from the direct UStream link in Round Rock starting at 1pm CDT. Paypal donations can be sent directly to eposia@yahoo.com, we’re less than 7 hours from making our 48-hour fiber-spinning goal!)

Re-Edit: SpinAThon site is back up and you can watch the cams directly here: http://spinathon.reesabrown.com/node/5

Final Edit: SpinAThon finished at 42.8 hours, and much lovely fiber spun by several talented women. The fiber spun during SpinAThon will be available for bidding along with other finely crafted products in next week’s auction! Steve played for 3.5 hours and we will be posting videos from his performance within the next few days on the SpinAThon site. Thanks to everyone who participated, you all rock!

Word definition question

skzb — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 09:17:25 +0000

Reesa and Nathan have been watching re-runs of the old Addams Family TV show. I approve of this, in part because it’s refreshing to see a 60′s sitcom where one can believe the couple actually had sex. But it produced a question which has been bothering me, lo, these many days, even to interfering with my sleep. So, weary and desperate, I turn to the internet as my last hope.

Can someone tell me what “ooky” means?

Thank you.

When My Joke Hurts You

skzb — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 20:23:05 +0000

A dear friend of mine was hurt recently. If you want the full story, it is (linked with permission) here. The short version is as follows: They were playing a game in which someone puts the name of a character (real or fictional, living or dead) on your forehead, and you ask yes or no questions until you guess the name of the person. My friend discovered that she had spent several hours with the name “Hitler” on her forehead. I know some of you will be feeling a bit queasy on her behalf, and others will be going, “What’s the big deal?” Okay, permit me to add that this took place in Haifa, Israel.

My youngest daughter has recently been hurt in the opposite way: as I understand it, she, an aspiring (and, in my unbiased opinion, very talented) comedian, agreed to take part in a show that had a theme (mental handicaps) that many people found offensive and unsuitable for humor; sufficiently offensive and unsuitable that she has had to sustain barbed comments and cold shoulders from some people she considered friends.

In commenting to my Israeli friend, I said some things that (again, with her permission) I want to repeat here so I can hear smart people (that’s you) talk about them.

Some things are so horrible, that some have to laugh about them or the horror will take over their lives. Others, confronted by that same horror, have to pretend to laugh at them to convince themselves that they’re strong enough not to be beaten down. Others laugh at them because their friends do, and they’ve never stopped to think about it. Others laugh at them because they have no trace of sensitivity, and just don’t give a fuck about other human beings. So, at least four different reasons for the same behavior.

The dilemma, as I see it, is something like this:
1. No one has the right, through humor or any other way, to needlessly hurt someone else.
2. No one has the right to decide for another how and when to use humor to relieve suffering.

This contradiction is what makes it so hard for me to get a grip on. It’s complicated even more because there is absolutely no subject of humor that will not offend or hurt someone.

There are those with an attitude that goes something like this: “It was just a joke. If you can’t take a joke, you need to lighten up.” The kindest thing one can say about this attitude is that it is over-simplified; we don’t all respond the same way to the same kind of pain, and your coping method might be exactly what makes it impossible for me to cope. More typically, someone with that attitude needs to be sequestered from other human beings so he won’t do any more harm.

When in doubt, I err on the side of caution, because the damage to someone who is sensitive about whatever one is laughing at is more significant than the benefit for someone it helps, at any given time (you can tell the joke later when there’s no one around it bothers). But usually, one doesn’t know one has crossed the line until someone reacts badly, and then one is, first, puzzled, then ashamed, then (sometimes) angry or determined to justify one’s self. It’s ugly as hell.

I have no conclusion; I’ve been wrestling with this for years and gotten nowhere.
Edited to add:

Some years ago, my friend Nate Bucklin and I went to visit a friend in the psych ward of a hospital. Because it was Nate and me, we brought guitars, and a party ensued. During the party, Nate played his version of “Mama Don’t Allow,” which humorously references several forms of mental and emotional illness–the very conditions those attending the party were dealing with. I recall very clearly that the patients all found the song delightful; the staff, however, thought it was Not Funny. Take from this what you will.

Who wants puppies? (Greater Texas area)

Reesa — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 17:13:33 +0000

UPDATE: Good news! Females 1& 2 and Male 1 have all found homes! Please keep spreading the word to anyone you know who might be interested so we can place the last three. Thanks for the help so far!

My folks found a stray dog on their property that they very carefully decided to ignore and not feed and hope it would go away…until the next morning when my mom found many more new dogs in addition to the stray. That’s right, a very pregnant dog found the right suckers to help her through the tough childbirth time, hehe. My mom and stepdad have decided to tentatively keep the mother (though they’d prefer to find her a home with a farm and actual cattle and pay for spaying her; she’s very obviously an abused dog and will need special care for a while), as she is clearly not feral and very well-behaved, but they just can’t provide a home for the puppies long-term. My mother has asked me to spread the word about the need for good puppy homes to anyone who is within reasonable (reasonable by your standards if you want to come pick it up, or by our standards if we’re dropping off) travel distance of the gigantic DFW Metroplex (or Austin/Central TX area, since I can help with the transfer as well if needed) in Texas. Here is what she said about the dogs:

I plan to only keep them for two more weeks (Friday they will be 7 weeks, I plan to keep them until 8 weeks old). Let me know if anyone would like one and I will bring the puppy to them!

Momma is a Blue Heeler, about 50 pounds. I cannot seem to find a Blue Heeler rescue club in Dallas. Do you or any of your friends know of a blue heeler rescue club? (Blue Heeler = Australian Cattle Dog)

Puppy weights at 6 weeks ranged from 7.3 (Female 2) to 13.2 (Male 2). Doc thinks Male 1 and 2 could reach 100 lbs. She thinks maybe the father (or fathers) is a Lab/Anatolian or Pyrenese mix (for the larger puppies).

For anyone who knows dogs, you’ll remember that herding dogs in general are more intelligent and independent-thinking than many other dog breeds; if that’s the sort of trait that appeals to you these dogs will likely reward you. These puppies have been human-handled since birth every day (including ears and feet), and for anyone who wants to provide a home to one my mom will not only not charge you for the privilege, they’ve also all received their first round of puppy shots. The vet report says they are incredibly healthy and very well socialized and have obviously been well-cared-for.

As a final lure I’ve included the pictures of the litter. (Click on the picture to reach the larger version.) So far none have been claimed, though if we get good results from this post I’ll update here as necessary to let you know which ones are no longer available. If you’re interested, contact me and provide a linked email address in a comment to this post and I’ll put you in touch with my mother more directly for canine negotiations (or you can use the more direct contact provided in the pic).

Blue Heeler mixes ready for new home!

Update – Moving

skzb — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 17:53:37 +0000

Thanks to help from many people, we have moved about 95% of the Dream Cafe to its new home in Austin. We have to wait a few days yet for the electricity and other utilities to be turned on, but I’m pretty sure the move will be complete by the middle of next week. Thanks to everyone who helped us move: Andrea the Earth Godess, Robert the Indominatable, Austin the Indefatigable, Jason the Tetrismaster, Toni the Ever Vigilant, Derick the Steady, and Andy the Magnificent.

And also thanks to Toni and Jason and to Nathan’s friend Mandie for Packing Above and Beyond.

Carolyn is married

skzb — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 22:43:11 +0000

The bride was beautiful. Tons and tons of cool people were there. It was pretty nifty.

Fourth Street was good, too. I suck at reports, so I won’t give one, but I’m pleased with how hard everyone worked to make it come off.

I don’t have working email yet, but I hope to by tomorrow.

Need a sysadmin?

skzb — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 04:02:02 +0000

If you know anyone who needs a Linux sysadmin, I have a friend who could use more work. His web site is here. He does good work. Thanks for passing it on.

It’s a baby woman

skzb — Sat, 31 Jan 2009 17:04:09 +0000

Just off the phone with my son who called from the delivery room. My third grandchild appeared 19″, 8.34 pounds, 14″ crown, curly dark hair. No name yet.

Now smoking a virtual cigar.

Back Home

skzb — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 19:01:16 +0000

It was wonderful seeing my kids, grandkids, sister, and friends. Needed more time with my sister, though, and with various friends I never got to see. But it was good, and I was able to enjoy what did happen, rather than letting myself be upset about what didn’t. If I’d learned that skill thirty years ago…oh, never mind.

I heard a bit of the debate, and some of the discussion afterwards. What I’d love to hear, is someone saying, “Well, I support candidate X, and intend to vote for him, but he lost the debate.” I’ve never heard that. From anyone.