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Win-It-Before-You-Can-Buy-It Caption Contest!

Steve and I are staying with Skyler, Scott, and Egan while we wait for The Incrementalists to be released, with all subsequent fanfare and book tour goodness. It is an exciting time. Perhaps… too exciting?

book fort

Last night, boxes of author copies of the book arrived, and Steve & Skyler immediately built a fort with them, refusing to come out for dinner until they were done playing “cowboys and incrementalists”.

This post is a caption contest. To enter, leave your best/funniest caption for this picture in comments to this post (and only on this post — captions submitted via facebook or twitter cannot be counted!) The contest runs until noon Texas time, Monday 9/16 (in other parts of the US this may be referred to as “Central Daylight Time”).

Important: Winner must be able to respond to my email requesting a mailing address within an hour of the contest ending or a new winner will be chosen! When the selected winner responds to me, we shall immediately mail them a copy of the book.

ETA: Enter early, enter often. You are not limited to one comment/caption.

126 replies on “Win-It-Before-You-Can-Buy-It Caption Contest!”

“I heard you like secret societies. So we started a secret society inside a fort of books about a secret society so you can read about secret societies during a meeting with your secret society.”

(If you have never seen the “Pimp My Ride” meme this sounds dumb.)

We shall open a copy to every part of the book that makes us feel feelings.

Shit.

We’re going to need more copies. A lot more copies.

Steve, don’t look now but those walls of books are creeping very slowly towards you; just be nonchalant, slowly extract the gun from under your hat, and then shoot as many of them as possible whilst Skyler makes a break for the garage and puts together some Molotov cocktails.

And after that you’re on your own, kids…

As I was going to St. Rooks, I met two people with fifty-three books…but only four hands to hold them all. No, no, that will never work. As I was going to St. Ands, I met two people with four hands. And each hand held one book… No, that’s far too easy. As I was going to St. Teach, I met two people with five hands each! And each hand held twenty books, and each book held seven kittens! …what? I like kittens. And extra hands are very useful when calculating…how many are going to St. Rooks?

The cannons shattered the still Texas night.

The defenders looked out from he walls of their small fort. Against the endless horizon of stars, lit by unholy fires and terrible magics, the Illiterati came.

Noxious fluids burned in the bellies of television golems. A clockwork monster with boombox legs hurled pop music into the air. Leading the army across the parched grass, soap opera writers sat astride huge tabloidons, sleek monsters who stamped their fad diet feet and stabbed the air with cruel tusks of celebrity addiction.

Their eyes met. Steve nodded quickly to Skyler. As one, they drew their weapons, gripping tight the alchemical miracles of wood and ink.

“The darkness may yet take this land,” Steve said.

The Illiterati howled in the darkness, as if sensing that their ancient enemies were near.

“Maybe,” Skyler replied. She lifted her weapons. “But not tonight.”

Steve, uncharacteristically silent, only smiled, lifted his implements, and waited for the horde.

Skyler: I’ve seen books on EBAY listed signed by author – never *read* by author.
Steve: My point exactly.

“Almost all of them. Steve, this is a disaster.”
“Naaah. Hold it at an angle and you can almost read it, the white ink is glossy.”

Two authors diligently testing the theory that books always open at the best parts. So far they have no complaints.

Skyler White and Steven Brust cowering at the thought of just how much better they’ve made the world this time.

Steve one-upping Skyler by not only holding a book open with each hand, but another with his right foot.

Skyler White and Steven Brust enjoy the ride as the house tilts from the weight of all the new books they’d agreed to sign.

Squirrel: Shouldn’t I be seen holding a book too?
Ms. Pennyworth: No! You’re just a squirrel.

Nope. This pack didn’t have a Nolan Ryan all-star card either. I got 5 more Incrementalists… But these sure will sound great in my bicycle spokes!

Steve: You’re being attacked by a Vatican Guard with a Bushmaster.

Skyler: Okay, my Cowboy Tekekinetic distracts him by drawing his Colt, but grabs the priceless vase and hits him in the back of the head with his… mind thingee.

Steve: Roll to hit.

“I swear the parts I wrote are heavier.”
“No the parts that I wrote are heavier, feel this.”
“No, you feel this. Definitely heavier.”

Testing the glasses-free 3D effect in the new books. Thinking that maybe novels are not the appropriate fit for the technology.

By severing the corpus colossum, training each eye to read independently, and starting at different points in the book, a two-fisted reader can consume a novel nearly twice as fast, requiring a vast quantity of reading material.

Foolproof plan: randomly generated books.
If we print enough, we’ll find the one we intended to write.

One copy if never enough, one for the bedroom, one for the beach, one for the bathroom, one for the car … No excuses not to read this book

Skyler: You know that thing about changing the world one small bit at a time? I hadn’t banked on getting into architectural minimalism. Or, at any rate, doing it with books.
Wouldn’t concrete look cooler?

Steve: Books are cheap, but concrete costs money so Tor wouldn’t spring for it. And besides, you know how I feel about Post Modernism…

Not entering the contest, but here is MY caption:

Eight book, nine book, your book, mine book.
This one has a nifty blurb.
This one has an active verb.
My, these books are all superb!

Tip for young authors: If you’re willing to fan your face with copies of your book, you can confidently state that there will be fans of your work at every stop of your tour.

Some books are so good you want to read them again as soon as you’ve finished them; this one is even better.

Hey, your chapters are pretty good. I’m glad I waited to until they were finished to read them.

OK, this paired juggling-while-reading routine is going to change the world of author signings forever. Get some sleep, because tomorrow we move on to four books each…

“… and the artwork–custom made for this specific novel! Might I take a moment to point out the luster on this cover…? Wait–just a moment please–I’ve just been informed that not one, but both of this novel’s authors have–Can we display the graphic for our viewers?–Ah, yes! As you can now see, both authors have personally inspected each and every individual book! Because of this, we can guarantee that each book is completely free of manufacturing defects! And, not only that, each copy will include New Book Smell–it’s exactly like a newborn baby, only in the form of a book! Also included is New Book Spine–that faint creak and ever so slight resistance you’ve come to expect–and, of course, New Book Ink–so fresh it literally rubs off on the side of your thumbs as you read! And I know what you’re thinking–you’re thinking: This is too much! And then you’re asking yourself: How can I possibly afford it? But you can! You really can! I just wish I could see the smile on your face when you hear that all this can be yours for the low, low introductory price…”

It’s weird, every time I read a different copy, I find something wonderful you wrote that I’m sure isn’t in any of the other copies.

Quick, check them all for cooties! If we find even one, the Amazon algorithm will take that into account and we’ll lose out on the mega-uber-testosterone-filled segment of our readers unless we offer free boxes of RID.

Skyler: Um, this would probably be better as a 3D movie
Steve: I knew that publicist was full of shit.

Edit: can’t italicize movie. Oh well.

“Requiring no fewer than 4 books to decipher this Devara reference might be a bit…much.”

I think these last three entries are late. They are good, though. Winner already declared? Participation is its own reward?

I *think* the winner already got the book, but I no longer remember who it was. Or else we screwed up and never picked one. Crap. That could have happened–it was a crazy time. I’ll check with Jen.

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